Batman #30


Remember the golden days of our youth when this story began? I think Clinton was in office.

Hey readers! We should start a book club. Let’s start a Book Club Tumblr where we can discuss books! Somebody else create it and I’ll give it my Stamp of Objective Cosmic Approval. Plus the first book we should read is Twilight! Does it have sexy scenes in it or should I put my underwear back on? Actually, the first book we should read in our new Book Club is Stanislaw Lem’s Fiasco simply because it’s sitting on the bookshelf looking at me and whispering, “Why haven’t you read me yet, Tess?” Shut up, book! I don’t have the time for stories without pictures! Sheesh.

Previously in Batman the Unanimated Series, The Riddler curb stomped Gotham City. Batman wasn’t very happy about it. Also the people who died weren’t very happy about it. This issue, Batman begins saving the city because it’s The Final Act. Also because it’s about fucking time, you Bat-Loser.

Remember how this whole thing began a long time ago with Bruce Wayne on a dirt bike and some kid helping him out somehow? I forget how! But I think the story is finally getting back to that point. After a brief foray into the past where Batman’s date begins menstruating from her forehead.

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"How many different names are they going to come up with for musical genres?! Stop expressing how unique a band is by labeling them with as many pseudo-genres as possible! “Cryptic Toadstool is this year’s triumphant blend of post-punk hillbilly death-camp psychotronic synthmonster butter-topped Otter pop.”"

— Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, Commentary on Batman #29

"You know, if I spent more time writing fictional stories based on the shit I come up with to poke fun at DC Comics, I might have an actual writing career! Bah, fuck writing careers! I’m no sellout! I’m punk rock, baby! If you redefine punk rock to mean a movement characterized by individual freedom and a lack of respect for established authority! Oh wait! I am punk rock!"

— Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea, Commentary on Batman #29

Batman Eternal #2


I have discovered the main problem with weekly books. One week is too soon to reread my own commentaries. I find myself skimming them because they’re still fresh in my mind which means I’m not editing them properly.

Do you realize we live in a social climate where it’s not only okay to ruin somebody’s life over an opinion they might express, it’s often held up as heroic? We also live in a cultural climate where we’ve forgotten what the actual meaning of terrorism is because we’re told by newscaster and talking heads, day in and day out, that terrorism is brown people with bombs. But that in itself is not terrorism. It’s part of it, sure. But terrorism isn’t just about physical violence committed on random people. It’s about creating a cloud of fear that causes people to change the way they act and to change the way they do things because they’re afraid of the repercussions. The brown people with bombs aren’t blowing things up just because they hate our way of life. There is an absolute objective behind the killing of innocent people. That objective is to get us to change our lifestyle because we’re now afraid to do or say certain things. So creating a social environment where people are afraid to say or do certain things because their lives will be ruined for voicing an opinion is terrorism.

Freedom of speech is steadily being worn away. We’re going the wrong way when we begin to declare that people can’t say certain things because other people might be offended by those things. It’s an extension of overprotective parenting, writ large on the entire populace. What we actually need is tougher skin. We need to be able to shrug off the person ranting crazily in the corner rather than feeling the need to bring them to utter ruin for expressing an unpopular opinion. Freedom of speech is meant to allow even the most vile opinions to be expressed. It’s like a release valve on a high pressure system. Hateful, horrible, derogatory opinions need to be defended by somebody. Jesus Christ, people. If I have to hear one more person explain how even if you accidentally step on somebody’s toes, you should apologize, I’m going to go on a toe stomping rampage!

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Sinestro #1 (Yet again!)


Is Sinestro playing the new Total Immersion: Elder Scrolls Game?

When did Sinestro’s forehead get so small? Remember when it towered over everything?! Remember his voice from the Legion of Doom cartoons! It sounded like somebody speaking English with an unidentifiable accent while gargling semen! So, you know, exactly like Tommy Wiseau’s voice!

I don’t have anything left to say about Sinestro. I covered it all here, and here, and here as well. If you’re curious about the Piss Colored Crown Prince of Piss Crime, you can read those links. Remember, kids: reading is half the battle!

Now that we’re all super refreshed with super knowledge about this super villain, let’s see if Cullen Bunn can write! Briefly looking up his career, it seems he wrote Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe which is probably funny. Unless it’s not funny. Either way, I hope Sinestro has a sense of humor! He never has had one before but soft reboots are the way of the world! Which is unfortunate since hard reboots are so much more useful. And sexy.

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Nite Owl by J. Michael Straczynski, Andy Kubert, and Joe Kubert.

Nite Owl by J. Michael Straczynski, Andy Kubert, and Joe Kubert.