Batwoman #33


Why didn’t “Murderbang” make the cover? Or was his name “Slaypow”? “Deathbullet”? “Gunviolence”?

I currently have too many followers which isn’t good for the environment. The more people that read my blog, the more bandwidth is used. The more bandwidth used, the more air conditioners have to be set up to cool the servers housing my spectacularly interesting blog posts. The more air conditioners blowing, the more energy used. The more energy used, the more…well, I don’t know. I think eventually one of my sentences winds up pointing out how we’re doing something negative to the environment. Not that anybody particularly cares about the environment! But they do care about living and it’s nice to maintain an environment that sustains human life. So to my part to maintain a lower humidity living environment, I’m going to have to say some very unpopular things so that followers will get angry with me and stop following. Be prepared to be shocked and offended!

Puppies are fugly assholes.

Capitalism is simply communism with more expensive make-up on.

Your side of the political debate is full of insincere pleas and poorly thought out ideas.

Reality television shows are fantastic and unmatched forms of entertainment.

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Robin Rises Omega #1



The first thing on my mind, seeing how the last issue of Batman and Robin ended with Glorious Godfrey’s sudden appearance, is this: “What the fuck does Apokolips want with Damian Wayne?” Actually the first thing on my mind is, “Why can I not get any sleep? I have to work all night tonight and I’m running on fumes here?” and “Am I in any condition to take this comic book seriously?” and “What has become of my life?” and “I’d really like to eat a pizza covered in tacos right now.”

The next thing I think (I’d say second thing but I just listed a whole bunch of shit, so it’s probably more like the tenth or fifteenth), as I open this comic book, is this: “Why does the cover call this book ‘Robin Rises Omega’ when the title page clearly states that it’s called ‘Robin Rises Red Dawn Omega’?”

And now I’m second guessing whether or not I should be reviewing comic books. Shouldn’t I be making declarative statements about the text and art instead of asking rhetorical question after rhetorical question (the most rhetorical of them all being the “What has become of my life?” question because I damn well know what’s become of my life and the only thing that can ease the shame and guilt I feel due to my horrible decisions is a taco pizza)? Okay. Time to saddle up my self-confidence and take the bull by the horse! Now, where did I put that saddle? Come to think of it, where the hell did I leave my self-confidence?! Oh yeah, I remember. College.

This issue begins with Batman learning an important lesson about taking the used Bat-condom with him instead of dumping it in the bathroom wastebasket tucked into an empty toilet paper roll.

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Moon Knight #4 by Warren Ellis, Declan Shalvey, and Jordie Bellaire

Moon Knight #4 by Warren Ellis, Declan Shalvey, and Jordie Bellaire

Claude St. Aubin: “Hey, does anybody have a reference pic for King Shark?”Brian Cunningham: “Just grab a reference pic from the internet!”Claude St. Aubin: “But what kind of shark should I reference?”Brian Cunningham: “Who cares? They’re all pretty much the same.”Claude St. Aubin: “Fine. Hmm, here’s an image labeled ‘The Shark’ from a website called flaccidpenisesandballoons.com. That should work.”

Claude St. Aubin: “Hey, does anybody have a reference pic for King Shark?”
Brian Cunningham: “Just grab a reference pic from the internet!”
Claude St. Aubin: “But what kind of shark should I reference?”
Brian Cunningham: “Who cares? They’re all pretty much the same.”
Claude St. Aubin: “Fine. Hmm, here’s an image labeled ‘The Shark’ from a website called flaccidpenisesandballoons.com. That should work.”

"Task Force X has the technology to photoshop kittens onto any image we find."

"Task Force X has the technology to photoshop kittens onto any image we find."