January 2012
78 posts
4 tags
Batman #2
What’s up with the Batman logo? Is the name supposed to emulate the bat shape?
Batman is a very good comic book. That means I end up reading it and forgetting to blog anything. And now I’m stuck with a read comic book and I want to read #3 but I haven’t said anything yet about Batman #2!
Batman #2 is a good comic book.
Whew! That was a tough review. By the way, what makes...
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Batman #1
Finally! A Batman comic book. And Justice League comics don’t count. Batman doesn’t really interact well with the other super friends and I just want to read a story where he acts grim and scary and talks in a deep voice.
Batman #1 begins where should probably always begin: Arkham. These are the people that make Gotham City a scary place. And these are Batman’s problems....
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Aquaman #5
Wrong element, Aquadumbass.
The comic begins:
Other wrong element, Aquastupidhead!
How did Aquaman end up falling from the sky? Did he steal some powerful being’s map? Did he get caught up in a water funnel and become his own version of the Fortean falling fish? Was he stowing away in the wheel well of an airplane?
How did this happen, Aquaman?! Maybe Page Two will start with a...
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The Flash #5
That’s never stopped The Flash before!
Last issue, we learned all about the lameness of Mob Rule! And one of the issues before that, we learned that if The Flash learns how to meditate just right, he can think super fast which somehow allows him to see the future!
He also had a minor crossover with Captain Atom over in Captain Atom’s comic. I’d stay away from that stinking...
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The Fury of Firestorm #5
I’m going to go out on a limb and say this never happens.
Between comics, Jasonstorm apparently goes with Ronniestorm to the Zithertech compound. At the end of last issue, Ronniestorm was all hyped to join up with them. But Jasonstorm was not and still is not. He’s under observation by Zither Cobrina and her assistants.
Now we are all sons of bitches.
Is science good for man?...
8 tags
Justice League #5
Oh Jim Lee. Do you ever disappoint in your ability to disappoint? To many comic book readers, this cover is the epitome of comic book art. Sure, it’s glossy and slick. And I know why this over the top style took off.
Here’s the style you could expect from comics in the late eighties and early nineties:
Ugh. Oh god!
Those two images are taken from DC’s Who’s Who...
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The Savage Hawkman #5
Why call this comic book ‘The Savage Hawkman’? Is calling a comic these days ‘Hawkman’ just too weenie? Are people only going to read about Hawkman if he’s got a mean temper and a killer instinct?
Here’s what happens in this comic. Gentleman Jim’s Ghost wants a book translated. This book will tell him about the Mortis Orb used to control undead. This...
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Supergirl #5
So her super power is to hold power?
Supergirl begins this issue blasting away from Earth and heading back to dead Krypton.
How long can she hold her breath? How many light years does she expect to fly to get home? Somewhere in one of these comics, it was mentioned that Krypton was further away than any Earth telescope could reach. And even if her super powers allow her to somehow survive...
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Supergirl #3
What?! What is it? What’s so shocking?! Oh yeah, it blew up.
Why is this the cover of this issue? At the end of last issue, Supergirl learned the truth about Krypton. And she learns nothing new in this issue. This is the first page.
This and the second page have the only discussions about Krypton in the entire issue. And no new truths are learned. Supergirl decides not to believe...
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Supergirl #1
The only thing I know about Supergirl is that she died in Crisis on Infinite Earths! So unless there happens to be a reason for me to mention Doom Patrol characters (like in Teen Titans!) or old issues of Suicide Squad (like in new issues of Suicide Squad), i probably won’t have any historical knowledge to add as I read this.
Also, why does there have to be so many surviving things from...
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Supergirl #2
Their costumes are so similar that I’m guessing Superman finds his own graduation attire tucked in his old rocket at some point.
The comic begins with a flashback to three days previous, according to what Supergirl can remember.
This pose is just a bit off the typical female comic book pose which contorts the woman so that you can see her boobs and ass in the same shot. I should...
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Supergirl #4
Their best shots were robot butterflies and a jellified man.
The problem with this comic is that it’s just not particularly fun. But it’s not horrible like Captain Atom and Green Arrow where I continually curse the writer’s parents for ever learning how to copulate. But it’s been four issues of Supergirl confused that she’s on Earth, not able to understand anyone,...
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Superboy #5
So Superboy #5 takes place before Teen Titans #4. Which means I didn’t have to read the books out of order. Stupid confusing idiot writers! Teen Titans #4 came out before Superboy #5 so I thought the story within it was chronologically before Superboy #5. I guess I should have read the “Next Issue” text better!
That basically makes this issue filler. So fuck you, Issue #5....
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Superman #5
Who comes up with these stupid covers?
When we last saw Superman, he was being attacked by a fire being and an ice being and a lizard being that used to be invisible to his Kryptonian eyes but could suddenly be seen by Superman at the end of the comic although the cover makes it look like it’s invisible again. *breath* (Yes, I meant ‘breath’ there and not...
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Teen Titans #5
A nice splash page to start the big battle against Superboy. Except for the part where Solstice’s name is spelled incorrectly.
Superboy shows off his telekinesis right from the start, knocking the Teen Titans off-kilter. But Kid Flash makes a speed pun like a good speedster and races in to pummel Superboy. But Superboy gets to crow about having psionic powers!
Why, actually, Superboy,...
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Teen Titans #4
The cover promises a “Smackdown in Times Square” between Wonder Girl and Superboy! Which probably means they’ll be sodomizing each other with party favors after two punches are thrown.
The comic begins with Cassie Wonder Girl running through the crowd in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. She is being pursued by this man:
I can’t help but feel the writer, Lobdell, is...
7 tags
Teen Titans #1
25 pages?! The past was five pages better!
Here is The Teen Titans #1 from the 1980s. I don’t remember what year and it just says Nov on the cover! That could be any year! It stars Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy (or Changeling), Robin, Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, and Cyborg. That’s a lot of people! In this issue, they are fighting some green hands.
Teen Titans #1 from 2003. This one has...
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Teen Titans #3
Red Robin steals Batman’s most infamous move: The Batfart
Starting where we left off last issue, Kid Flash is rescuing some smoking girl named Solstice. She’s probably Wiccan. Kid Flash uses an old Family Circus trick to rescue her in a single panel.
At point five, we see he can pee at superspeed. And at the end, he has to guess a four digit code on the panel to open the way...
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Teen Titans #2
Thankfully her name isn’t Skitters. And, yes, I photoshopped this cover as well. You’ll have to find the original online to compare.
So Arachnalass turns out to be Skitter. Why, DC? Why can’t you come up with decent Super Hero names? Have they always been this dumb? Let’s see…Superman. Batman. Wonder Woman. Green Lantern. Aquaman. Cyborg.
Oh, yeah. They have!...
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Superboy #3
Let me try to sum up Superboy #3.
I think there might have been a plot somewhere in-between all the boobs and butts.
Plot points:
Young couple in love burns the faces off everyone while shopping.
Boobs.
Superboy learns he must think about his telekinetic power to activate it.
Hot lava.
Hot lava chick.
Rose Wilson jumps out of the plane.
Different young couple in love...
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Superboy #4
I’ve got to stop spending my time photoshopping these covers!
We begin this issue with Superboy being beaten up by steroid enhanced Doctor Redhead.
Here, we see her making wildly slanderous claims against Superboy. Has she been covering for his crimes in Virtual Reality? While he’s been locked up in the lab?
She probably means how he killed all of the scientists. But you can...
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Superboy #2
We’re gonna need a bigger clone!
I think anytime there is a shark in some pop culture moment, someone has to make the “I think we’re gonna need a bigger X” joke! So that was mine.
Last issue, they made mention of Superboy and his telekinetic powers. That’s how he splatted Dr. White and all the other lab people. I just kind of glossed over it until reading this...
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Superboy #1
Remember the good old days (which both weren’t always good and are good because they’re gone and probably other song lyrics too) when Superboy comics were just stories about Superman when he was a Superboy? Like riding his bike around Smallville and finding stashes of porn in the bushes that he would hide in the loft in the barn so Ma Kent wouldn’t find them while obsessively...
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Superman #2
This issue begins with Superman getting some military information from General Lane. It looks like they have some sort of tentative relationship since the military was running experiments on him under Luthor’s guidance. Although Lane still seems to distrust if not downright hate Superman.
This is something that bothered me a lot back when I was reading the Teen Titans in the eighties....
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Superman #3
I’ve got a backlog of 195 New 52 DC Comics titles.
I should be writing Chapter Three of Dwarf Lover.
I need really should at least finish Genesis in my Literal Bible Study Guide.
I’ve got a stack of good books to read including The Book of a Thousand Nights and a Night and The Exegesis of Philip K. Dick which is not going to be a breeze.
I’ve got a bunch of bad books to...
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Superman #4
Superman is terrified of robot ants.
So this is the 9th comic in a row that features Superman. I can’t imagine I’ll have a lot to say about it. But I’ve got to get through it so I can get to a totally different character: Superboy!
Maybe I shouldn’t have decided to read them in the order they’re presented in DC Comics Big Book of First Issues! Couldn’t they...
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Superman #1
Superman fights the Daily Planet in Issue #1.
The first two pages of Superman #1 deal with the old Daily Planet building being demolished and presenting the new and better Daily Planet building! Still filled with, by the way, all of the talented writers and editors that have always made it the best newspaper in the world!
Real subtle, DC. Or George Perez, I guess. He’s one of the...
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Action Comics #5
Origin Story!
Here’s what I know about Superman’s origin story. Krypton is nearing the end of its cosmic life and, for some reason, only Jor-El knows. Here in the 52 Universe, nobody else will believe him. Perhaps that’s how it was last time as well. He sticks baby Kal-El into a rocket, covers him with a red blanket, and shoots him off towards Earth.
Kal-El, being a baby,...
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Action Comics #3
And just like that, the regular Joes turn on Superman!
That ‘Go Back Home’ sign is a real slap in Superman’s face!
I bet Brainiac is behind this mess! Or maybe Superman said the local newscasters weren’t necessarily total morons and this is the backlash.
Seriously though. Just about all news outlets suck. But local news and their newscasters are just about the worst!...
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Action Comics #2
Last issue, Superman was captured by the city of Metropolis, mostly due to the plans of some guy named Lex Luthor. I hope we learn more about him as this comic goes along!
During the downtime between the first and second issue, Lex Luthor has been torturing Superman to see how much he can take.
Oh, don’t worry, Anguished Fat Man, Lex Luthor says it isn’t torture!
Does...
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Action Comics #4
Since I’m trying to get through about 250 comics, I guess I’d better start making some shorter entries when I can. And Action Comics #4 provides that opportunity!
Action Comics #4 is a big long confusing fight scene. It’s not as confusing as Savage Hawkman’s fight scenes. Not even close. But the action just doesn’t flow very well from panel to panel.
What happens?...
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Action Comics #1
Superteen on a beer run.
Oh my gracious! Why is Super’man’ being shot by all the policemens!? What is Grant Morrison going to do to Superman?!
When I think of Grant Morrison’s comic runs, I think of two in particular: Doom Patrol and The X-men. I’m not sure which X-men title it was but it was the one where Magneto in his Xorn disguise taught the Special Ed X-men class....
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Captain Atom #5
Captain Atom versus the Luck Dragon!
Between the end of last issue and the beginning of this issue, Captain Atom went to go hang out by a pond where a turtle lives. He’s having a great big pity party after leaving Ranita to fend for herself with her burned up hand. I guess there are other scientists there to help her. But nobody there has the ability to fix her hand! Now, if only there...
Wonder Woman #5
In this issue, we get to meet Poseidon,
Xena’s Poseidon was a cutting edge special effects man of water!
Cerberus,
Puppy style?
Hades,
Wearing a crown of shit.
and Lennox.
He’s the God of Brawling. Or one of Zeus’s bastards.
Lennox shows up because he knows stuff. He can hear things on the wind. Maybe that’s a clue to who he is but I’m not getting...
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DC Universe Presents: Deadman #5
Why not you?
It’s a question Deadman knows he can’t answer. Not for himself nor for the people he possesses.
Why me?
It’s an unanswerable question that presumes a plan has been set in motion. If there is no plan, if everything is random and chaotic, the only answer to ‘Why me?’ is ‘Why not you?’
Instead of spending time pondering a self-pitying...
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DC Universe Presents: Deadman #4
See?! I said one of Deadman’s main goals was to get laid! Apparently it’s his entire motivation behind his blindly helping Rama! The horny corpse!
Deadman then precedes to ride the Devil’s Dive roller coaster with the devil’s brother. Which is weird since Deadman is incorporeal and can’t actually remain inside the car at all times. But since it’s the...
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DC Universe Presents: Deadman #3
Oh no! Deadman is going to die? By being beaten to death with a book by an old librarian?
Yeah, okay. I can buy that. Do I even need to read this? Probably since ‘The final fate of Boston Brand’ has that question mark following it. And an exclamation point because it’s a very exciting question!
Since Deadman is a ghost, can hitting him with a book hurt him? It is a...
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DC Universe Presents: Deadman #2
Unlike Jesus’s God, Deadman’s God actually appears to help quell his doubts. Which makes me suspicious! God didn’t answer Jesus because of some faith thing or God knowing all the answers and knowing Jesus didn’t actually need to be spoken with or some other God nonsense. But Rama comes right to Deadman thinking he might really kill himself.
If all of this were simply an...
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Mister Terrific #5
Angry Mister Terrific and his alien posse promptly kick the crap out of the Kryl Warriors.
They also eat some of them.
The Kryl retreat and escape the slave ship in pods. The aliens begin to celebrate but Michael Holt believes something else might be happening.
Cue White Guilt.
Things look grim if the Kryl have abandoned ship so that they can destroy everybody on it. Without his T-balls,...
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Mister Terrific #4
Mister Terrific, I don’t mean to sound racist. Or speciesist. Whatever. You know what I’m sayin’. You want to give these aliens the benefit of the doubt. You want to believe they’re being honest because you don’t want to judge them by their looks. I get it, Mr. T. You’re cool. You’re open-minded.
But look at them! LOOK AT THEM! They’re hideous!...
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DC Universe Presents: Deadman #1
I’m not sure if this title is DC UNIVERSE PRESENTS: and then will highlight a different character every few months or if it is a comic book that will use Deadman in it while featuring other superheroes.
I can’t imagine Deadman would get his own title though so I’m leaning toward this being a compilation title.
As I began to read Deadman, I started to think about Mister...
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Mister Terrific #3
After a little pummeling and some more mind-sucking, Mister Terrific’s true power comes into focus:
He makes his enemies feel inferior! To prove to Mister Terrific that he, Brainstorm, is not a jerk moron like everyone else, he tells Mister Terrific his origin story! Sure, villains love to mouth off about their plans. But Mister Terrific already knows Brainstorm’s plans. To be able...
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Mister Terrific #2
Look at this! Actual narration boxes! Good for you, Mr. Wallace.
If this were written by J.T. Krul or another writer towing the DC editorial line, those boxes would probably go something like this:
Narration Box: That’s me acting all crazy. Yeah, can you believe it? I was being controlled by some outside force! You’d think while throwing a gala event for Senator Emilio Gonzalez,...
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Mister Terrific #1
At the club.
I don’t know where Mr. Terrific came from. He’s vaguely familiar and I’ve read comics that he’s starred in but I don’t know anything about him. I can’t recall if he was around when I stopped reading back in 2003 or if I only know him from having read the 52 storyline. So I guess I’ll learn about him now!
I don’t know why he’s...
6 tags
The Savage Hawkman #3
Luckily, Issue #3 begins with Explanation Bot telling Hawkman what just happened in the first two issues. Unless this is Alien Hologram. Except I like Explanation Bot better.
As you can see in the panel, Hawkman is stupid because he jumps all over the word ‘released’ instead of ‘escaped’. Now he suspects some evil organization of releasing this vile thing into the...
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The Savage Hawkman #4
Issue #4 ends this storyline. Hawkman wins.
Sure, there’s more to it than that. But not much. It’s mostly a lot of panels of fighting and a few moments of realizations. Like the following:
Here we see Hawkman overwhelmed by the Black Oil Clones. And Morphicius introducing Hawkman to the term ‘Thanagarian’. That’s the Hawkpeople’s home planet, for anyone...
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The Savage Hawkman #2
Hawkman #2 begins with the most confusing 8 page fight I’ve yet to read. That’s almost half of the comic spent on Hawkman spouting ‘I’m tougher than you’ bravado while THOOOOM and BAM and BOOOM fill panels when something seems to hit something else. That means nearly half the comic book has just been wasted on learning the Black Oil creature can control the Nth Metal...
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Green Arrow #4
Starting this issue, Keith Giffen takes over for J.T. Krul on the writing.
It’s better already!
And it is better although still not a great comic.
Oliver Queen (Green Arrow for anybody who doesn’t know his secret identity since he’s no Bruce Wayne or Clark Smith!) is still being hassled by Emerson, the guy Queen’s father picked to run the company until Queen showed he...
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Green Arrow #5
Here we see Green Arrow climbing into his office window at Q-Core Headquarters. Which seems a bit contrary to wanting to keep a secret identity. I’m pretty sure Seattle is populated with people who can look up. And then there are the people in the buildings across the way who probably look over on Queen’s office day in and day out hoping to catch him fucking some starlet against the...
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The Savage Hawkman #1
Having never known much about Hawkman, I decided to read up on him in the 1990 DC Who’s Who binder. What I read was a bunch of confusing crap about flying policemen and drugs in the Downsiders and a repressive government and Hawkman shooting his dad and Hawkwoman being more experienced and an anti-gravity belt made of Nth Metal and feathered wings for special occasions.
In other words,...
