Teen Titans #4

The cover promises a “Smackdown in Times Square” between Wonder Girl and Superboy! Which probably means they’ll be sodomizing each other with party favors after two punches are thrown.

The comic begins with Cassie Wonder Girl running through the crowd in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. She is being pursued by this man:


I can’t help but feel the writer, Lobdell, is going to pull the old switcharoo at some point and reveal that Lex Luthor isn’t part of this clone’s DNA

That’s Superboy, by the way. I know it looks an awful lot like Red Robin. But you can tell by the glowing eyes that it’s Superboy. Also, the eyes on that Lex Luthor behind Superboy sure are far apart!

The other Titans (who aren’t quite titanic yet) are up in Red Robin’s penthouse apartment in Lex Towers grousing about how rough life is being a superhero when the doorbell rings!

And then the fight breaks out over Times Square!


Never let a news reporter ad lib. Also, her left pupil is escaping her face.

But not for long because the story quickly moves back into the penthouse. We get to find out that Solstice is a chirpy optimistic sentient universer…

…and Bart Allen just may be a time traveler with amnesia.

Oh, and Red Robin has a ton of shit and is a giant rich bastard but he can’t let one sweatshirt go to a guy with hypothermia and ragged clothes.

During all of this, Skitter notices the fight between Superboy and Wonder Girl (such imaginative names!) on television and alerts the rest. They all go off to help Wonder Girl!

Except for Skitter. Because of that whole being normal and human thing until she can sit in a cocoon for awhile. How the fuck is she going to be a useful or interesting member?

Here’s a description of the fight:

Wonder Girl says Superboy is hot but disgusting.

Superboy think-narrates that Wonder Girl is attractive but it’s his job to kill her.

Wonderboy kicks Super Girl in the face and she flies through a building and is about to splatter on the street.

Wonder Girl says, “One chance!” and lassos a statue.

Superboy goes, “Oh wow, she survived!”

Wonder Woman swings around on the rope and kicks Superman in the chest.

They both fly into a building and Wonder Girl refuses to join Superboy.

Superboy blasts her.

The Teen Titans appear to help out Wonder Girl! Or just get their collective asses kicked! It’s hard to say! I’d feel better about their chances if Skitters was there with them!

Ha ha, no, not really.

Red Robin declares that they are ‘The Teen Titans!’ and Bunker says,

Sexy? Maybe if they were the Barely Legal Titans!