Stormwatch #8


So that’s Jenny Quantum’s major power now? Doing equations in the air?

This issue begins with Martian Manhunter relating everything he knows about the Gravity Miners. Apparently he was lying last issue when he said they were an ancient enemy of his people. In this issue, he states that his people believed the Gravity Miners were a legend. That they were “propaganda created by the Daemonites to justify their position in the galactic hierarchy.” He explains how they first came to the Daemonites’ homeworld because the Daemonites were experimenting with Pradesh Gravitons. Within ninety days, they had destroyed one-third of the Damonite Galaxy. I guess they also moved on to destroy a bunch of other galaxies as well since Manhunter said last issue that the last time the Miners arrived in our universe they destroyed a bunch of galaxies. And apparently, the Martians never encountered these “ancient enemies”. What a big fat liar J’onzz is!


Now come on! That’s not exactly true either, is it J’onn? Being extra-dimensional doesn’t presuppose those things! But being extra-dimensional, there is no way we could interact with them to find out their language or ethics or motives. And why would they want to interact with us? We’re less to them than ants are to us! We’re probably more like breezes or non-existent ghosts you can’t even see. Or creeping stick figures. I don’t know!

But since the Daemonites defeated them before, Manhunter suggests they try to find out how they did it so that Stormwatch could duplicate the process. Duh! That’s where I said the hope would be! Also, Jack might know something more from speaking with Pripyat. Although it doesn’t really look like he learned much.

The Gravity Miners have created a portal in Pripyat. Apparently they needed to kidnap a living, three-dimensional being to maintain contact with the three-dimensional world. This enabled them to open a portal so they can invade. Although if they’re fifth dimensional, I’m not sure how we see them as three dimensional tentacles. I would suppose we would just see weird floating shapes, like cubes or spheres, as certain pieces of them passed through our three-dimensional perception. But what do I know? I’m just a comic book reader!

The plan to defeat the Gravity Miners is to send Midnighter and Jenny into the portal to retrieve Apollo. But I guess just getting back the three dimensional key to their portal isn’t enough. Jenny also has to introduce “Golbach’s Conjecture” [sic] into the portal to destroy it because introducing an impossible mathematical equation will cause the portal to collapse.

I see a number of problems with this! First off, it’s Goldbach’s Conjecture, not Golbach’s Conjecture. Secondly, it’s not an impossible equation! It’s just an equation which has yet to have a mathematical proof written for it. I guess that’s near enough an impossible equation? But they need to remember that they’re just three-dimensional beings! These five-dimensional beings probably laugh at Goldbach’s Conjecture as being as easy as 2+2=5 4.

But, you know, I’m probably just being picky.


Oh no he di’n’t!

Once inside, Midnighter tries to leave Jenny for dead while he escapes with Apollo. But she, being the manifestation of the 21st Century, actually makes it back on her own five minutes before Midnighter does. Oops!

The portal is closed and the Gravity Miners defeated. Maybe.


Who the fuck cares about other dimensions? Let them deal with the problem because they’ve already had to deal with the problem one way or another! You can’t protect every dimension based on our reality because of the way dimensions work! For every dimension you save, a dimension exists where you didn’t save that dimension. So fuck it! Take care of your dimension and try not to think about it.

The issue ends with Jenny confronting Midnighter. Her powers are so inexplicable that she mentions to Midnighter that she made some decision concerning him which must mean, like Billy Mumy in that Twilight Zone episode, that she’s changed something about him that he won’t like. But of course she doesn’t tell him! She just lets him freak out about the possibilities. And since Midnighter can figure out all the possibilities in any given situation, he’s probably super freaking out right about now!


I think Jenny just figured out Midnighter’s weakness! Turn his mind against himself! It’s like introducing a hypochondriac to WebMD!

Stormwatch Issue #8 Rating: +1 Ranking. The overall plot to battle the Gravity Miners was as mediocre as it gets. A vague threat. A techno-jargon plan of attack. Threat defeated without any fireworks at all. But the other stuff is pretty entertaining. And this +1 Ranking is really +1/2 for this comic and +1/2 for Issue #7. Stormwatch is managing a very slow and steady rise up the ranks.