You mean Legion are going to be captured and have to breakout of something? Spoiler!
In my last commentary, I wrote the scintillating phrase, “Perhaps they’ll learn some answers.” Yes. Perhaps they will learn some answers. And, perhaps, we’ll all learn some answers.
What the fuck was I talking about? “Perhaps they’ll learn some answers?” Jeez! This comic is so boring that I just shut off my brain and began speaking in stupid generalizations that nobody would ever say about anything ever! Maybe ‘perhaps they’ll learn something.’ Or ‘perhaps they’ll get some answers.’ But “Perhaps they’ll learn some answers?” I’m a fucking idiot! Who’s reading this shit?
Back to this comic, based on the cover, it looks like Legion is going to be captured. Because they weren’t captured at the end of the last issue. Unless the reader is just supposed to assume that when Martian Manhunter appears, everyone is thrown in jail. He is kind of sheriff-like. But the first page answers some questions and reassures me that I’m not the only person writing like a total moron.
Of all the things Martian Manhunter finds shocking, it’s this.
This will be the only sentence that points out the Lettering Error in the “Your call yourself” speech bubble. Because the other issues that exist in this bit of writing bother me more. Martian Manhunter reads the minds of thousands of different alien species but he finds reading the mind of someone from the future with a more evolved brain more difficult? Hey, Nicieza and Defalco, you do realize that probably half of the minds Martian Manhunter reads are going to be of species more evolved than the Martians. And I’m pretty sure the Martian race’s minds are just as evolved as the minds of creatures from the 31st century. Maybe he should blame his inability to fully read Timber Wolf’s mind on Flashpoint.
The other thing that is retarded (if I can use that word in its proper context and, being that I am a retard (using the “Perhaps they’ll learn some answers” as proof), I think I can use that word without offense) is how shocked Martian Manhunter is that Timber Wolf recognizes him. He didn’t react that way when Apollo recognized him! He just took it as a matter of fact! Does DC think people aren’t reading every single one of their titles? I know, I know. If I were DC, I would never assume that either!
One last thing I don’t like about this exchange. Martian Manhunter, a member of Stormwatch, is giving up far too much information to Timber Wolf. He tells him what he did with him. He tells him why he knows about him. He also tells him what he wants to find (the other Legion members). And Timber Wolf offers nothing. Martian Manhuner is acting very Stormwatchy here!
Oh, just an aside that barely matters here because people reading this comic probably don’t care much about the other DC titles, Martian Manhunter, apparently, was never in Justice League in the New 52. He corrects Apollo’s assumption a few issues later saying that he’s never even applied. I think an editor decided that little slip needed to be fixed! Don’t mix up the old DCU history with the New DCU history! You know, except in those cases where nobody cares. Until they do! And then blame it all on Flashpoint.
That was all Page One’s bullshit! Moving on to Page Two, it appears the Breakout of the cover is Legion breaking Timber Wolf and Chameleon Girl out of a military prison. The narration in this comic is, um, Tyroc? Is that the guy with sonic powers? I should probably learn who these people are! He’s coordinating his team during the breakout using some Xbox headsets or something. So it’s like they’re playing Call of Duty. Except they have super powers that don’t involve running through a hail of bullets to knife somebody.
One of the important parts of the narration is when Tyroc admits to being insecure. That’s important because he’s telling the reader something the reader should know to make this issue important in the life of Tyroc. Because, you see, he’s insecure! And since there was no way to realize this in the first five issues, Tyroc had to tell us at the beginning of this issue. That way the reader can cheer at the end when he overcomes his insecurities and takes charge to bring down Martian Manhunter. Or, at least, the military.
Oh, of course they’d follow you off a cliff! They all have Legion Flight Rings. Except they don’t currently work in the 21st Century for some dumb reason. They worked just find in the Action Comics flashback! Stupid Flashpoint!
On page 8 (after several pages of posturing between Timber Wolf and the person in charge of the
prison medical facility in which he’s being held), the reader gets another rehashing of the reason Legion and Alastor have come back in time. Since this is Issue #8, I think it’s the eighth time I’ve read about this.
I think we’ve gotten all the information we need about Alastor and your time traveling mission. Let’s just move ahead now, mmmkay?
Tyroc and Wildfire break into the lab to grab Chameleon Girl. Nobody is there to greet them except Martian Manhunter. Which is, you know, a little bit weird seeing as how the woman in charge was telling Timber Wolf that she’s expecting his friends. And she knows Timber Wolf wants to rescue Chameleon Girl, so his friends probably do too. I guess it’s just poor planning on her part. Or Flashpoint.
Good thing all the Legionnaires had to take Martian Manhunter 101.
Tyroc recognizes J’onn and gets Wildfire to stop attacking him. Tyroc “opens [his] mind to the Martian Manhunter, revealing [his] deepest secrets.” He does this to prove to J’onn that he’s actually from the future. But isn’t that a little dangerous when you know everything about Martian Manhunter, including his tragic…something. J’onn believes him and decides to help them escape. First he lets them know that Chameleon Girl needs to integrate her biomass into another Durlan and luckily for them there is a Durlan Corpse in cryogenic storage in the facility! Gross!
Martian Manhunter is only helping to get whatever Stormwatch needed him to get. Something about an energy signature or whatnot. It probably doesn’t matter. It was just an excuse to get him into the pages of Legion Lost for a little while. Before he leaves, J’onn gives the Legion one more little factoid.
This is obviously untrue since Action Comics just had a bunch of successful Time Travel happen in its pages. Actually, it is true! Time travel is a one-way trip! Except the trip only moves forward and at the same pace for everyone (dependent on speed, of course).
Legion is successful and finally reunited. Except Alastor has escaped yet again. Tellus, the big psychic fish, fell asleep from the strain of his mental exertions and when he awoke, Alastor was gone. Maybe it was Alastor’s energy signature J’onn was searching for and once he got it, he opened a Door to Alastor and kidnapped him over to Stormwatch? Probably not otherwise there would have been a little Editor’s Caption saying: To find out what happened to Alastor, read Stormwatch #9 on sale May 1st!
Legion Lost Issue #6 Rating: No change in the ranking. I’m hoping the comic book picks up now that they’ve got the team back together and they’ve gotten past the hump of being confused time travelers in a backwards world. Also, anything that doesn’t make sense about their adventure, I’m just going to keep blaming Flashpoint. It seems like the Legion of Super-heroes are the only ones really concerned about it. It must have been another mandatory class in the Legion Training Academy.