Seriously though. The Romans conquered Europa? I think Josh Williamson might have a slight reading comprehension problem.
Writing commentary on a comic book I’m currently reading is quite different from writing an actual essay or a piece of fiction. It’s a little bit like free falling. At times I’m nervous because I don’t feel like I’ll have anything to say. And sometimes I prove that! But with a normal piece of writing, you can set up outlines and work through drafts and edit and change and restructure. You can plan. But then I also know that when I pick up a comic written by Rob Liefeld or Scott Lobdell, I’m going to have plenty of material to comment on. It’s the really good books that are the main problem.
Voodoo is not a good book. It’s been mostly mediocre with some really surprising bad plot points. Voodoo’s characterization has been all over the place and the title itself was basically rebooted halfway through! But I think it might be getting better. I hope it might be getting better. Actually, it doesn’t fucking matter if it’s getting better since it’s been cancelled as of Issue #12.
This issue begins with Voodoo using her stripping to defeat the Centurions. No, you shut up! It’s true!
She’s right! In stripping and fighting, shirts come off almost immediately!
Of course, she did say “dancing.” But since she was a stripper, I know she actually means “stripping.” Because all strippers refer to their job as dancing. And since Voodoo has never actually done any dancing except the kind with the pole and the tassels and the dollar bills, she’s talking about stripping.
“Those first few nights of stripping were bloodbaths!”
While she’s thinking about her comparison, she’s dodging the Centurions as they try to grab her. Just like at the strip club! She’s totally right!
Another big distinction is the spitting blood and teeth!
I know another girl who’d agree with Priscilla on the dance fighting technique!
“Touch the butt!”
Meanwhile, Priscilla (you know, the good version of Voodoo) and her crew of Black Razor misfits are busy with their own road trip hijinks not too far from the Centurion battle.
How is Priscilla going to fight? She wasn’t trained by Daemonites or Strippers?!
Lincoln tries to keep the joking to a minimum but it’s tough with a crew ignorant of space and language.
You’re on the right “moon” and it’s “thanks” to Pris. Dumbasses.
The Black Razors continue to get all Space Marine on the Space Orks while Priscilla recovers enough to sprout wings and fly after Voodoo. I think they might work through their differences and become besties! Walker chases after her while Lincoln and Skvarla head over to another crashed ship to salvage parts. Magnus and Flynn continue to shoot Space Orks.
Interlude: Whatever happened to the special font DC was using to depict alien languages? You know the one! The one identified as “Old Portugese” [sic] in Swamp Thing #5? I haven’t seen it for months now!
Voodoo leads the Centurions into the group of Space Orks and chaos ensues. I guess the Space Orks were too stupid to ever lure the Centurions away from the entrance to the Blue Flame. Or maybe whoever built the Centurions was too stupid to program them to not be tricked so easily! Their whole purpose is to guard the Blue Flame, not chase people around Europa.
Meanwhile, back with the Razors, Lincoln and Skvarla return to the battle with their parts only to witness Flynn and Magnus’s final joke.
Ha ha! Hilarious!
Last commentary, I didn’t think Williamson would kill any of the Black Razors. But I did say I felt like two of them were going to die. So I was sort of half right.
Priscilla and Alex Walker make their way to the Space Orks being massacred by the Centurions. Mol Stone, mortally wounded, mistakes Pris for Voodoo. But not for long! He smells her virginity and asks if she also was sent by Helspont. Alex Walker tells him they have been sent by Helspont and, hey buddy, could you give us a hand. And then even though Mol Stone just approached Pris thinking she was Voodoo, he tells them this:
“I saw her run into the temple and then I saw you and thought you were her but since you smell all pure and prudish, I realized you can’t be her and so she must be in the temple where I just saw her go before I thought you were her also. Cut a mortally wounded brother some slack, wouldja?”
Pris enters the temple because the Centurions are the most powerful, worst guards ever. She catches up to Voodoo just as Voodoo is about to get The Blue Flame which will allow whoever wields it to rule the UNIVERSE! Yes, that’s right. THE MOTHER FUCKING UNIVERSE! No problem, right? With the proper set-up, maybe a Wormhole Express, a person can keep tabs on his entire universal domain, right? What do you do when you rule the Universe? What more is there? “NOW I WILL CONQUER THE WHOLE OF TIME! BWA HA HA HA!” Ruler of the Universe really just sounds like a pompous, useless title. I can’t even imagine how you do it! And my imagination is practically as good as a pre-schooler’s!
With dialogue like that, it’s a real shame this title is concluding.
Voodoo #11 Rating: No change. This certainly is not the best title in the New 52, as a commenter to my commentaries thought it was. But it’s also not one of the worst. Overall, it just never found its footing and it really read like two different stories about two different characters named Voodoo with the change in writers. I won’t be sad to see it end.