Roy is pondering forgetting the last year with Lobdell as well.
I wonder if DC would be willing to put The New 52 on hiatus for a few months so I can take a break from comic book blogging! I try to do two issues a day to keep up and even that is a bit overwhelming. I’ve barely had any time to play Bioshock Infinite! I did a couple of half-assed internet searches to try to find someone else that is blogging about all of The New 52 books but didn’t come up with anything. But like I said, it was half-assed. When I first began this, there was another guy on Tumblr called Every Last Panel and he was reading everything DC was putting out and writing up short blogs with scans. But he simply stopped posting around Wonder Woman’s wedding in Hell and then disappeared from Tumblr altogether. So I guess I have to keep blogging so I can remember every comic I read from month to month. Dammit.
One thing’s for certain: I need to make these things much shorter. And probably less funny with a lot more dry, boring, intellectual asides about the actual possibilities of somebody swinging from a rope or creating boxing gloves out of green light. Oh! I know! I can stop beginning entries with random bullshit and just dive right into the comic book!
Jason Todd is super happy to have forgotten everything he’s ever experienced. Although I don’t know how happy he can be about forgetting when he can’t remember the things he wanted to forget. Isn’t he curious about what he’s forgotten? I would think he’d begin to wonder how his old memories could have been so bad and then he’d be curious what they were and then he’d want them back so he could know if he made the right decision! And then he’d get back the memories and he’d say, “Oh fuck. Yeah. That sucked.” And then he’d have them wiped again and start the whole process all over. I think erasing your memories only works if nobody tells you afterwords that your memories were erased. You could just suddenly begin anew and think, “Hey! What’s this?! Who am I? Where am I? Why do I know language after having just come into existence? And since I know language and concepts, I know I probably have existed for at least two decades before suddenly being aware of things which means I probably have amnesia! I wonder who I was? Maybe I should try to get my memories back!” Oh, hmm, that didn’t work either. I guess you’ll always want to get your memories back no matter what. Unless you’re just a shallow twat with no sense of curiosity! So it should actually work pretty well for Roy Harper.
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Power Girl was so upset her boobs weren’t the focal point of last issue’s cover, she killed Supergirl to claim focal boobage. Perhaps it was meant to distract people from noticing Michael Alan Nelson’s name was spelled wrong.
This is the third issue in a row to have a different writer. That can’t bode well for the comic, can it? Perhaps the editors are simply telling the writers what they need to write which is why the writers aren’t hanging around because who needs a stupid editor telling you what to write when they’re job title is “editor” and not “writer”? Editors are jerks! They’re just Fuddyduddies that rain on parades and refer to ‘artistic expression’ as ‘grammar errors.’
Last issue, the Fortress of Sanctuary decided that either Kara or Karen was a clone and thus it had to destroy them both. Better safe than allowing a disgusting, nasty clone to live so it can steal a normal Kryptonian’s job. According to the cover, boobs. I mean, Kara is going to be killed! So then will Power Girl take over as the new Supergirl? That’s probably exactly what’s going to happen.
My initial reaction to the first page was “Love Mahmud’s art!” The I thought, “Sanctuay is an annoying bitch.” But by the end of the page, I was totally, “I think I like Sanctuary!”
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The Prankster uses a special kind of electricity that doesn’t shine any light.
Dick Grayson is in Chicago trying to find Tony Zucco, the man that killed his parents. He’s also the man inadvertently responsible for him becoming Nightwing, if you’re one of those weirdos that tries to see the positive in everything. He’s renting out a room in some crappy little apartment. But at least it includes furnishings and a half-naked woman. But then again, if you’re a normal person that always knows things are worse than they appear, you won’t be surprised that the half-naked woman has a bat and can’t wait to use it.
Look, I didn’t get much sleep last night. So think up your own Batwoman and/or Dick joke here.
Dick sure meets a lot of cute women. But does he ever meet in normal women? I think Sonia was the only normal woman he’s met in a long while and she turned out to be the daughter of the man that murdered his parents. And by that record, my guess is this new girl that he’s rooming with is The Prankster.
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How can you be betrayed by somebody whose trust you’ve never earned in the first place? Punch him in the throat, Batman!
Vibe has begun to get suspicious of A.R.G.U.S. and Agent Gunn and Amanda Waller. I would say it’s about time but he’s actually come to the realization much quicker than I would have expected. Perhaps he’ll run into Batman as he’s investigating the Justice League of America. That pronoun was meant to be ambiguous because I think they’ll both be investigating the JLA when they they walk backwards into each other in a dark subbasement hallway.
The issue begins with Agent Gunn’s wife starting an argument.
Why do so many strong, young black men got to go for these white bitches?
Casey has no idea what he’s arguing for. All Casey wants is for Gunn to wear a stupid ring when he’s at work. A lousy ring! Casey really wants to risk his life for a tiny, insignificant, minute little point? Casey! Wake the fuck up, dumb dumb! A.R.G.U.S. fucks with super
villains heroes! Somebody is eventually going to get pissed and you think you’re going to be able to defend the home with your dish soap soft hands? You’re in construction, right? Perhaps you should get busy with the fucking coffin.
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I wonder if Octopi feel slandered and defamed because of Hentai? Because I can’t see a fucking tentacle anymore without believing it’s in search of an open orifice.
The Demon Knights have saved Themyscira by killing all the vampires. Although Cain escaped so he’s sure to go make more vampires before The Demon Knights can lock him up inside of Andrew Bennett. And The Shining Knight has gone all Bladey and become a half-vampire or something. I think The Shining Knight’s goal is to eventually be able to check every single box in the race category on the census form.
As thanks for saving Paradise, Hippolyta has some information for the Demon Knights concerning their quest.
At least when Sir Ystin turns into a vampire, she’ll easily be able to walk amongst the humans since she has so much practice passing.
Hippolyta directs the Demon Knights to the Amazonian Library of Congress to learn about The Holy Grail.
Excerpt from Richard F. Burton’s translation of the Kama Sutra: “The following women are not to be enjoyed: a leper; a lunatic; a woman turned out of caste; a woman who reveals secrets; a woman who publicly expresses desire for sexual intercourse; a woman who is extremely white; a woman who is extremely black; a bad-smelling woman; a woman who is a near relation; a woman who is a female friend; a woman who leads the life of an ascetic; and, lastly the wife of a relation, of a friend, of a learned Brahman, and of the king.” So that leaves what? A young, mute, slightly tanned stranger that has just taken a bath and doesn’t want to have sex with you?
Exoristos almost goes into the story told in Wonder Woman about how the Amazons mate. My only question is if they only get reading material from sailors, shouldn’t it all be porn and Stephen King novels?
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Time to put The Ravagers out of their misery. It was ungrammatical knowing you.
Ridge is on the cover so I have a feeling Deathstroke’s PokeDagger is going to get broken. I think he’ll make nice with Rose Wilson and realize he doesn’t owe Harvest shit. This will lead him to break his contract with Harvest which is something the best mercenaries in the DC Universe never do. So I’m probably wrong.
In the first four pages, Deathstroke captures Thunder, Lightning, and Terra in his PokeDagger. And even if all of the other evidence were stacked higher than a thoroughly convincing stack of evidence, the fact that Terra has already shown up again in Deathstroke #19 means that stabbing people with this dagger does not kill them and turn them into ash. But Beast Boy doesn’t know that so he reacts a little angrily.
Awww. Seems just like Preboot times!
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Single Red Rose. Romantic Lightning. Pandora’s Box Exploding From Being Touched. This was a good date!
Last issue I mentioned how confused I was about the creation of Majestic. I thought I’d cleared it all up and decided that Kaizen Gammora had sent Spartan to activate Majestic so that Kaizen would have the chance to kill a God. And then I opened this issue to the first page.
So now John Lynch is taking credit for it?
Maybe Lynch is taking credit for creating Majestic but not activating the meta-gene. Perhaps Team 7 found a way to manipulate and alter the meta-gene so that when it was activated, the resulting super power was tailor made to the person. That would make sense in that Black Canary’s codename was “Canary” before she knew she could scream people’s brains out. I think her codename was Canary because she was always the first one in a room to smell a fart.
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With a change of writers, I’m hoping more people than just Lime Light will end up dying. Fucking Adam Glass! How hard is it to make Suicide Squad successful? You change up the team every few issues, you kill off old B-List villains hardly anybody remembers, and you put Captain Boomerang on the team! That one sentence was a more successful issue than any Adam Glass wrote!
Last issue Deadshot was killed. Again. Also The Unknown Soldier showed up because the main thing this team has been lacking is a Rick Flag wannabe. Also the comic has been lacking a guy with bandages all over his face. And a guy with an enormous penis. I mean a guy with an enormous penis that isn’t also a shark.
The issue begins back at Belle Reve where Deadshot is undergoing another infusion of Samsara. Voltaic is playing Scrabble with Harley Quinn but zombies suck at Scrabble so he doesn’t stand a chance. A mysterious classified person meets with Amanda to discuss some of the other inmates.
David Graves, the cancer-ridden writer that’s currently writing a book for Amanda. I think. That was a long time ago. Cheetah, the God of Cheetahs. She’s waiting around to be rescued by
The Legion of Doom The Secret Society of Super-villains. King Shark, the Shark. He’s busy reading and turning into a giant vegan pansy.
I suppose with a new writer, a lot of characters are going to go through instant changes without any rhyme or reason.
See? Voltaic is no longer simply a reanimated corpse! He’s a real, living, talking, Scrabble playing boy!
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Juan Jose Ryp, I am not your fan.
Instead of getting snarky with no pants wearing male demons and doing drugs and cursing like a man quickly using up the final reserves of his Vitamin C, John Constantine is playing Indiana Jones and trying to save the world. He’s running about the world collecting magical antiquities to store in his pet store basement apartment. I think one of the rules of The New 52 was that the title character had to be heroic in some way (not counting comics with rotating leads). So instead of using magic to find a way to clear up his anal warts, John Constantine is using magic to prevent a future mystic apocalypse. Not a specific one! He’s just trying to stop any and all of them from accidentally cropping up. I think that’s the main difference between this comic and Hellblazer. In Hellblazer, John would sacrifice his mother to cure a painful cavity. In Constantine, John would simply go to the dentist and send the bill to mom.
Although I really haven’t lost faith that this comic book can be as bad-assed as Hellblazer was. Lemire made sure that John sacrificed
Chaz Chris in the very first issue to let the fans know John was still going to be a douchebag. It’s just John is probably saving his most selfish and horrible acts for matters important to the Many instead of matters important to John. I’m not going to trash this book simply because it doesn’t star demon penises anymore.
Not that I know if Hellblazer ever did. But it should have!
John, dear, that isn’t just magic people. That’s everybody. Everyone reading this commentary thinks they’re smarter than me and I know I’m smarter than they are. Um, wait a second. I think I just called myself stupid.
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How come The Creeper was able to reform after being freed from Soultaker? Why did the other souls just dissipate or float away?
DC has done some pretty egregious things in their pursuit of money but I can forgive all of them. All of them except for this comic book. I take this personally. I was excited about a Katana solo comic book! She was going to be free of Duane Swier-Goddamn-his-name-is-hard-to-spell-ynski! No longer would I have to read a poorly characterized Katana that never learned anything! One that simply reacted to situations instead of formulating plans! Katana was going to have a place to show her potential! And then I saw that Ann Nocenti was going to be writing it and I cried for five days straight. I really wish Nocenti had disappointed me on this comic book. Being disappointed by Ann Nocenti is not getting what you expect to get and what I expected to get was horrible writing which is what I got so it would have been nice to be disappointed by her and see her write a good comic book.
I have a feeling I’m going to be drawing another farmyard animal pretty soon!
The first page answers my question about the other souls. They have taken shape and are all standing around like Will-o’-the-Wisps. And one of them is the dragon Killer Croc was looking for! So now he doesn’t need to sword or to kill Katana, right? He can interview the Dragon or suck down its essence or do whatever crazy thing he was going to do to it. And Katana can take her broken sword to Drunk Master and get it reforged. And everybody can go home happy and nobody needs to make a visit to Ann Nocenti’s Knowledge Fun Farm!
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