Suicide Squad #20

Last issue Deadshot was killed. Again. Also The Unknown Soldier showed up because the main thing this team has been lacking is a Rick Flag wannabe. Also the comic has been lacking a guy with bandages all over his face. And a guy with an enormous penis. I mean a guy with an enormous penis that isn’t also a shark.

The issue begins back at Belle Reve where Deadshot is undergoing another infusion of Samsara. Voltaic is playing Scrabble with Harley Quinn but zombies suck at Scrabble so he doesn’t stand a chance. A mysterious classified person meets with Amanda to discuss some of the other inmates.

David Graves, the cancer-ridden writer that’s currently writing a book for Amanda. I think. That was a long time ago. Cheetah, the God of Cheetahs. She’s waiting around to be rescued by The Legion of Doom The Secret Society of Super-villains. King Shark, the Shark. He’s busy reading and turning into a giant vegan pansy.

I suppose with a new writer, a lot of characters are going to go through instant changes without any rhyme or reason.

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Suicide Squad #19

Last issue, Deadshot shot Yo Yo in his Neck Bomb to kill Red Orchid. It was really stupid because there were so many other options to choose from. Deadshot could have shot Red Orchid. Maybe that wouldn’t have worked because it would have been like shooting a tree. Well, Yo Yo could have choked her with his elastic neck. Maybe that wouldn’t have worked because it would have been like choking a tree. Hmm. Yo Yo could have bitten her head off with his elastic jaw muscles! I bet that would have worked because trees shouldn’t have heads.

Shooting the bomb apparently killed Red Orchid and Yo Yo although nobody actually dies in the pages of the Suicide Squad, so Yo Yo will be okay. Besides, he spent weeks in King Shark’s belly and was no worse for the digestion. But the entire penthouse came crashing down on the other Squad member’s heads. But remember how nobody on the Squad ever dies? Yeah, they’ll be okay.

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Teen Titans #18

Last issue, Red Robin had just introduced his Titans to their new headquarters on a boat in New York. Later that evening, he was possessed by Raven, fucked every member of his team, and then sat in his security monitor room laughing his ass off. I might have gotten some of that incorrect. But that’s okay because I’m just the guy reading the comic book. But the guy writing the comic book shouldn’t just drop all that stuff, right?

Fucking Scott Lobdell. I’m sure this issue begins in a dream since Tim Drake is crying while sitting in the Batmobile and dead Damian Wayne is telling him to stop being such a bitch. But even as a dream, it’s fucking ridiculous. It makes sense that Scott Lobdell can just crowbar this scene into his story since even he doesn’t know where any of his stories are going from month to month. So when he ended the issue with Raven taking over Tim Drake, he probably learned that Damian’s death would have to be dealt with in his next issue. While other writers already had stories that they probably had outlines for or had written much of when editorial forced them to shoe horn in a page or two mentioning Damian’s death, Scott Lobdell has the freedom to write as many pages as he wants dealing with Damian’s death because Lobdell probably didn’t have any notes for this issue except for “Raven comes to New York. Shit goes down.”

I’m not sure how or when Tim found out about Damian’s death since he was in Gotham when Damian died. Perhaps he was simply in denial as he traveled back up to New York and it wasn’t until Raven made him begin processing his feelings that he was able to have this hallucinatory conversation with Damian.

How many issues has it been where I said I hated Scott Lobdell’s writing? He’s the worst.

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Suicide Squad #18

I just finished rereading Giffen’s 12 issue run from around 2001-2002. I remember really enjoying it back when it came back and on rereading it, I liked it even better. Just about every character probably says “What’s that supposed to mean?” or “Meaning what?” a fair number of times past too often, but the dialogue was still fun. I liked the set-up in that there were really four stories being explored throughout the series. There was the Suicide Squad field team, the Suicide Squad Operations team, Amanda Waller and her daughter, Havana, and lastly Frank Rock and Bulldozer and the mystery of why they were still alive and, ultimately, who they really were. My guess is Rock was actually The Unknown Soldier but no idea about Bulldozer. Perhaps it actually was him getting younger and Amanda’s statement at the end of the series that Rock and Bulldozer died in 1945 was simply because every member of the Squad Ops Team constantly gets a new identity while the old identity is killed. Anyway, it worked and it was a nice take on the Squad and people died a lot and stayed dead. Well, they stayed dead in the pages of the Suicide Squad, anyway. I also really liked the art but then I’ve always been a big fan of exaggerated features and animation style. As long as exaggerated features are consistent and you can tell the artist can draw! I’m not talking about accidentally exaggerated features that don’t match up from panel to panel ala Rob Liefeld.

Next dip into the Suicide Squad’s past will be to read my favorite comic book series of all time after Shade the Changing Man, Ostrander’s run on the book. That should set me up to read Gail Simone’s Secret Six since I only just recently realized that Ostrander writes some of those issues and also comes through with Suicide Squad #67 many years later! Can’t wait for that! But until then, I’ve got Adam Glass’s superficial Resurrection Squad which I am enjoying for what it is. Unless I’m only really enjoying blogging about it. At this point, I can’t see nor do I care about the difference!

Back to the current Squad, Regulus had just returned from the grave surprising nobody. For some reason he’s hanging out with Red Orchid. I suppose that’s the reason the Squad has been assigned to kill Red Orchid. Or it could be that the package really is Mitch Shelley which is why Regulus and Amanda are after him. They’re both apparently in the resurrection business (Regulus could be in the cloning business!), so they’d want the guy that could really kick up their profit margin. Even though Amanda already has one of his hands. I bet having his brain would be much better.

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Suicide Squad #17

The Suicide Squad was on their way to kill Yo Yo’s sister Red Orchid. And by kill, I mean turn her into a corpse until one of the various means of resurrection within the DC Universe is used to bring her back to life. Now that Voltaic came back last issue, I believe the only people to die after 17 issues of Suicide Squad are Lime Light, Mad Dog, Grey Lora, and Regulus. But seeing as how Grey Lora was alive and well in the pages of Teen Titans, I’m pretty certain Regulus is as well. And Mad Dog could easily have been slightly wounded when he was supposedly killed since he wasn’t a member of the team and his body was just left for hyenas or rednecks. That leaves Light who had her head completely blown off so I don’t want to see her snobby ass anywhere near this comic book ever again! Although she has been seen multiple times as a hallucination by her sister. So I’m not sure that death even counts!

Here’s to hoping somebody fucking dies this issue.

Once upon a time in Metropolis, Yo Yo and Red Orchid had normal names. Red Orchid was a famous scientist that probably wasn’t that famous because who knows anything about current scientists except nerds and other nerds? So perhaps she was simply a reputable scientist with a flare for geothermic reactors. Her brother Yo Yo was a two-bit hood with a pile of gambling debts and a future in Amanda Waller’s Suicide Squad. But other than Red Orchid’s disapproval for Yo Yo’s way of life, they seemed to get along. Until Yo Yo wanted to borrow more money. And then his sister was all, “I hate you!” And Yo Yo was all, “No you don’t! You’re just a cheap prick!” And then Superman got into a fight with Brainiac and the geothermal reactor exploded and Yo Yo and Red Orchid got super powers! The end!

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Suicide Squad #16

After commenting on last issue, I realized that I hadn’t quite grasped the scope to which people hate The New 52 relaunch. But when I began to read that people were bitching about Floyd Lawton not having a mustache, it hit me. I finally realized that haters gonna hate. And nit. And pick. And moan. And whine. And bitch. You know, there are legitimate reasons to be upset about DC’s New 52 for fans of the Preboot Universe. But Floyd Lawton’s mustache? Let’s not make the argument against The New 52 weaker by whinging on about superficial bullshit. I mean, by all means, whinge on about everything you want! I’m not The New 52 police and I’m definitely not the counsel for the defense of it. Pile on everything that’s different as a “con.” I just don’t see how Floyd missing his mustache ruins the fucking experience. There are plenty of other things doing that already!

I guess every time a fan has to look at the face without a mustache standing next to skinny Amanda Waller and whore-costume Harley Quinn, it’s like an ice pick to the heart and a reminder that this isn’t the world they’re used to. But I have a super secret super secret: I’m enjoying Suicide Squad. Here’s a superer secret super secret: I enjoyed Keith Giffen’s run on Suicide Squad and was severely disappointed when it came to an end! And here’s the supererest secret super secret of all: I never read Gail Simone’s The Secret Six! Now, now. Don’t choke on your cheetos. I’ll get around to it. It’s just that before The New 52, I hadn’t read many comic books for about eight years. Which is why I’m the target audience for DC’s relaunch. A mega-fan that had wandered away from the flock during some history heavy years and now is back to enjoy a brand new start! So ha ha! I’m reveling in their welcome, embracing, Grifter-writing arms while they ignore your hurt feelings and shattered psyches!

Everyone loves a gloater, right? Do I have that right? I’m sure I have that right!

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Suicide Squad #15

Oh my. Patching things up already?

This issue isn’t specifically a Death of the Family crossover but it does continue where last issue (and Batman #13) left off. Harley has just gotten Batman trapped in a vat of chemicals and has been strung up by The Joker. So far, it’s one of their better dates. Harley eventually blacks out (still a good date!) and awakens in a state of confusion about recent events.

How many times is he going to threaten to cut off her face as well?

When does Deadshot come galloping in on a white Segway to save the day?

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Grifter #15

Is Deadshot a zombie? Is Grifter fucking spoiling the fact that Deadshot isn’t actually dead? If he wasn’t dead before, he is now because Deadshot is not bullet proof.

With Grifter’s last issue having him face off against the Suicide Squad, I suddenly have a sinking feeling deep in the place where I’d have a soul if I believed in souls. Oh wait. That’s my brain creating physiological reactions in my body based on the fear of Grifter becoming a member of the Suicide Squad when this series ends twenty crappy pages from now. At least the end of the world is coming for Grifter today. Let’s all take a moment and rejoice in that.

Look at that idiot. Just look at that cover! This guy has no imagination. He’s some kind of 12th Level Telekinetic but his Imagination Attribute peaked at 3 (probably out of 18 if we’re going to be classical about attribute scores here). His big schtick is to simply fire more guns with his mind. Grifter, you’re the greatest fucking genius in the world. If, you know, the world were composed of you, fungus, and hamsters.

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Suicide Squad #14

That’s Harley under the face this time. Deadshot already had his turn wearing Joker’s face.

Last issue ended with the promise of a funeral. Possible people being buried: Deadshot, Nana Waller, El Diablo, Fake Black Spider, Regulus. A lot of people died (or possibly died!) last issue! My hope is that it’ll be El Diablo’s funeral but my stupid, contrarian gut believes it’ll be Nana Waller’s funeral. But why would The Joker show up at that funeral? Does The Joker take credit for turning Amanda Waller into the bad-ass bitch she is? Did he convince Nana Waller to put her out on the street? Did he introduce her to Team 7? Did he help her come up with the Suicide Squad? Did he convince President Obama to put her in charge of the Justice League? Eh. I wouldn’t be surprised!

Harley in her funeral duds. She looks good in Joker Purple.

The funeral is for Deadshot. But that doesn’t for a second make me believe he’s dead. Remember, Amanda brought Harley back from the brink of death with her Samsara project. And Amanda has one of Resurrection Man’s hands to help move her Samsara project even further along so that she can bring the dead back to life. Floyd Lawson (Deadshot!) might be her first patient!

Attending the funeral are Harley, Amanda and Captain Boomerang. And don’t forget The Joker! He’s going to have to show up too since this is a Death of the Family crossover.

Amanda seems to have a problem that Deadshot killed himself. She does refer to her Task Force X members as The Suicide Squad, doesn’t she? Perhaps I’m mistaken about that. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. Amanda knows he’s not dead. Captain Boomerang, on the other hand, isn’t in the need to know group of people.

And then it happens much quicker than I expected it to. The Joker shows up after knocking everyone out with some kind of green Joker rain. I didn’t know he could control the weather!

I’m a fairly cynical person who was raised on horror movies. Fiction doesn’t often shock me. I can be moved to tears, laugh uproariously, gasp at surprising moments. But I don’t think I often feel disgusted or disturbed by fictional events very often. If they’re simply being done to manipulate, they come off cheesy and hackneyed. But when the setting is right and certain events are expected and things are unraveling all around the characters, sometimes, although rare, I can actually have a visceral reaction to the thing I’m reading.

This is one of those moments.

It isn’t just the outright spousal abuse depicted in this reunion. It’s also that it wasn’t until this moment, when The Joker callously punches the one person in the world that truly loves him, and the further way he abuses her here at Deadshot’s funeral, that I felt how utterly psychotic The Joker truly was. He’s already killed dozens of people in the other Death of the Family comic books but what comic book villain hasn’t done that? He killed those people dispassionately as part of his overall plan. But here is The Joker in a passionate, violent rage while the woman that loves him continues to say things to please him and calm his rage. This scene where he torments her because she didn’t wait by celibately for his triumphant return heavily emphasizes why Harley was crying and telling Batman that Mr. J isn’t the same as before in Batman #13.

And why should he be? He’s now playing a more disturbing parodied version of himself. With the mask, he is now a crazy person playing a crazy person and the stakes have simply been ramped up in a satirical send-off of The Joker’s usual ways. If people were mourning the Harley/Joker relationship before this, they were a bit preemptive. Since Deadshot is most assuredly not dead, this funeral needs to be for someone or something and this relationship has just been killed.

I wonder how many people will justify this as The Joker beating on Dr. Harleen Quinzel, thus excusing his irrational behaviour? Or maybe they’ll just point out that he’s insane. I guess that’ll work.

After The Joker is done tormenting Harley Quinn, he still feels she needs to be punished by punishing someone else she cares for. Since Harley doesn’t give a shit about Captain Boomerang or Amanda Waller, The Joker turns to the only person here she cared about.

The next panel has The Joker threatening to circumcise Deadshot’s corpse. Does God recognize the covenant if it’s done post-mortem?

Harley pulls Amanda’s gun on The Joker before he can open the casket and see that Deadshot isn’t in it. She threatens to kill him but he decides to strike a deal with her. He doesn’t cut up Deadshot’s wang and she puts on a Red Hood to fool Batman in Batman #13 last month. My guess is she accepts the deal!

After Harley and The Joker take off to Gotham City and everyone at the funeral recovers from the green rain, Amanda Waller heads down to the lab to check in on her Samsara Project.

Amanda, you need a new scientist if “science” is third on her list of successful experimentation, right after “nature” and “luck.”

Elsewhere in the lab, Iceberg has grown a new hand made entirely of ice. El Diablo sits unfrozen and meditating. So I don’t know exactly how Iceberg’s power works. I thought it turned whatever he touched into ice. But since El Diablo is entirely unharmed, it looks like his power just covers things in ice. Whatever the case, El Diablo is being deprogrammed from the Regulus brainwashing and accepting Lucifer into his life while getting rid of all that holier than thou God shit he’s been spouting. From here on out, he’s going to be unholier than thou! King Shark is being deprogrammed as well. And he’s getting a visit from a friend.

King Shark has a secret!

Further down in the sub-levels of Belle Reve, Amanda has a little chat with her newest captive, Black Spider. He turned on the Squad because he believes what Basilisk believes: the new super powered people are a threat to everyone. He tries to convince Amanda that she’s mankind’s only hope to stop them. Or something like that. Maybe he’s just buttering her up. Anyway, he really doesn’t have to try too hard. Amanda is already on the ball when it comes to keeping an eye on these new “supers.” That’s why she was on Team 7. That’s why the Suicide Squad exists. That’s why she has files on them all. That’s why she has operative Kurt Lance going after the Teen Titans. That’s why she wants to become the liaison to the Justice League. That’s why she’s FUCKING EVERYWHERE IN EVERY FUCKING COMIC BOOK! So just relax, Black Spider. If that’s the way you think, she’ll get you back on the team soon enough.

Meanwhile back in Gotham City after Batman has been trapped in a vat in the ACE Chemical warehouse, Harley tries to get her ass away from Mister J. But he has other plans.

Looks like Harley is going to a party!

Suicide Squad #14 Rating: +1 Ranking. It felt like this issue got a lot of story told in twenty pages. After seeing the way Mister J treats Harley here, I’m really worried for Batman and his people! The Joker has gone off the rails he was on after going off the rails. Is there a term for an insane person going insane? And all of the downtime Belle Reve stuff was good too. And Deadshot will be back in two issues. Fuck, I bet the people who read those fucking stupid ass solicits and look at future cover art already know exactly which issue Deadshot will return. Why do people need to know that shit so far in advance? Just enjoy the ride and stop needing to know everything before everyone else knows it.

Suicide Squad #13

I’m so sick of that fucking Arrow banner across the top of every single comic. You know, the one I always crop out of every cover? You’re welcome.

Fuck. Seeing Duane Swierczynski’s name on the front of this book just gave me a stomach ache. It’s not that I’m championing Adam Glass as the great writer of Suicide Squad. It’s just that Duane was writing Birds of Prey and that comic book was a confusing, shitty mess. Even people who liked the comic because they loved the characters eventually had their bias worn away by his horrible story and came to see the crapfest that was Birds of Prey. And now here he is to defecate all over the Suicide Squad. What’s even more disturbing is that Adam Glass left the Squad in a pretty major cliffhanger at the end of Issue #12. So did he just abandon his story to let Duane guess at the way it should end? Or did Duane approach the editors and say, “Dudes and Dudettes! I’ve got a great idea for how Glass’s story should end!” And they all applauded and let him take over the story by introducing a surprise plot element about how all the members of the Suicide Squad were actually clones? Or perhaps the story Glass was telling was really just the editor’s idea anyway, so Glass said, “Fuck this! I’m done writing your stupid story!” and took off, leaving Duane to step in and write the editor’s story for him.

I don’t know anything! All I know is Duane Swierczynski, you better fucking clean up your act and write like the novelist you supposedly are. This comic was at least passable (probably because I enjoyed the characters and was ignoring any really horrible faults with it just like I accused the Birds of Prey fans for doing!) so the bar isn’t that high for you to come in and make it better! Good luck, sir!

And Duane starts off with a big twist that just makes me mutter, “Oh my god.” And I don’t even have one!

The big twist is that Black Spider is the traitor except the traitor isn’t Black Spider!

I guess the trigger word that caused the rest of the Squad to turn on Deadshot and Harley also cause them to stand in silent confusion when the speaker of the trigger loses his brains all over the floor. Someone should also tell the artist that Iceberg doesn’t have glowing ice powers that come out of his specially treated gloves. He needs to remover his stupid gloves to touch things and turn them into ice. And where’s unconscious Captain Boomerang? At least show him lying at their feet. I put him in the Tumblr Tags so he needs to appear or people searching for him will be disappointed.

The reason this Black Spider isn’t actually Black Spider is because the real Black Spider is the one holding Amanda Waller’s grandmother hostage. So this Black Spider was simply a plant to distract the Squad so they wouldn’t suspect what Basilisk’s real plan was: to go after Waller. So I take back my muttering from earlier. This actually wasn’t such a bad moment after all. Nice recovery, Duane. Deadshot even explains to Harley that the fake Black Spider was so convincing that he wasn’t completely sure that he wasn’t Black Spider until the fake didn’t dodge his bullet. Black Spider can dodge bullets? Damn!

And back in Louisiana, Amanda Waller begins negotiating with the real Black Spider. At least I think it’s the real Black Spider! Who knows now? Amanda stalls him long enough so that her grandmother can get the jump on him. So he can dodge bullets but not Grandman reflexes? What a chump!

Um. Wait a second. Writer: Adam Glass?

Fucking DC and their lousy editorial team. I guess I have to take back all of my worries about Duane Swierczynski ruining this title! Adam Glass is still the writer! Mediocrity has been restored! I should also take back that sentence where I said, “Nice recovery, Duane,” since it was Adam who made a nice recovery. Unless the cover actually had the correct attribution. Who the fuck can tell? Does anybody at DC have any fucking idea what they’re doing anymore?!

After Black Spider is shocked, Amanda tries to shoot him. But before the bullets can splatter his brains on Nana’s gaudy wallpaper, Black Spider throws down his ninja smoke bombs and disappears. It is the real Black Spider! He dodged bullets!

Amanda and her grandma try to make it to their safe room full of automatic weapons and hard candy. But Black Spider does his ninja thing and reappears. There’s a back and forth struggle in which Amanda ends up on top and is ready to shoot Black Spider when a bunch of Basilisk Agents crash through the window. Why this prevents Amanda from pulling the trigger one time before she runs, I can’t guess. Maybe because she wanted to wait until she was well drawn before she immortalized the moment of Black Spider’s death.

Just kind of phoning it in at this point, aren’t you Cliff?

Back at the Basilisk Compound, Deadshot and Harley Quinn are running for their lives. They flee down some stairs only to be confronted by the brainwashed members of the Squad. I guess being brainwashed comes with elevator privileges. Harley and Deadshot engage in some awkward conversation that may or may not be flirting. Whatever it is, it’s cheesy dialogue. But it’s soon forgotten as the comic makes me laugh out loud in the next few panels. And I’m not laughing with it.

The first thing I would do when converting an ancient stone structure into my super villain headquarters is install fire hoses throughout. Safety first!

It would have been more believable if Harley had simply pissed on his head as she somersaulted over him. Also more adorable! What’s cuter than an incontinent gymnast? Amirite?

Deadshot gives up on his gun because the bullets just melt as they approach El Diablo’s face. So he picks up a sword as Iceberg finally remembers he needs to take his gloves off of his hands to be at all effective. And since that last sentence I wrote has both “sword” and “hands” in it, you should be able to guess what happens next.

Oh stop bitching! Just put some ice on it! HA HA!

Question! Since Iceberg turns things to ice by touching them, is El Diablo dead now? Because he’s all ice, right? Or does it not turn him into solid ice? Perhaps just the top layer of his epidermis was converted. Still a bad situation, right? And again, since Iceberg needs to touch things to turn them to ice, he’s now at half-effectiveness with one hand! Way to go, Deadshot! Maybe they can reattach his hand since they can keep everything nice and cold until they can find a medic.

Iceberg seems to take the loss of a hand fairly well. Perhaps it’s because he’s in shock. But now that the team is all back to normal, they’re ready to go after Regulus. And that’s when Captain Boomerang arrives! He probably regained consciousness a long time ago and has been waiting for things to calm down before stepping out from around the corner where he’s been cowering for the first half of this comic book. But now he’s ready to lead them to Regulus!

Back in Louisiana, Black Spider blows down the wall of the safe house crushing Amanda’s Nana just as she was explaining to Amanda that she kicked young Amanda out of her house in Chicago because she loved her so much. And her awesome plan of sending Amanda onto the streets so that she doesn’t end up on the streets worked! She ended up in a loving home with lots of opportunities to become a cold hearted assassin! Amanda then proceeds to defeat Black Spider with her Team Seven know-how and her high heel shoes.

Back back in Basilisk’s compound, Regulus finally makes an appearance. This time, Harley Quinn has been reprogrammed to shoot the shit out of everyone. She’s not as good with guns as she is with over-sized hammers, so she doesn’t manage to kill anyone. But she distracts Deadshot enough so that in one panel he’s twenty feet in front of her with Regulus behind her and in the next panel, Regulus has grabbed Deadshot from behind. That’s good cover fire!

Deadshot takes the name of the group literally!

Please. Deadshot has been shot up so many times, I think he thrives on it. The Next Issue Blurb says, “Guess who’s coming to a funeral?” Well, since Suicide Squad is crossing over with Death of the Family, it’s obviously referring to The Joker. But it’s the funeral part that’s the misleading piece. Glass is trying to make it look like it’ll be a Deadshot funeral but this is Suicide Squad! Deadshot isn’t going anywhere. And there are so many other people to choose from for a funeral! Black Spider. El Diablo. Nana!

Suicide Squad #13 Rating: +1 Ranking. I don’t know if Swierczynski or Glass wrote this issue. But I liked it even though I don’t like Harley’s attachment to Deadshot (although it’s probably more of a Doctor Harleen attachment since she’s kind of both personalities right now) and the fire hose in the ancient ruins was just ridiculous. I know they probably outfitted the place with computers and high tech shit and elevators and air conditioning and television lounges. But a system of hoses to put out burning blocks of stone? Seems low on the priority list.