I want to know what the B Team is up to in New Jersey! Internet porn and refilling the ice bucket?
Superboy, Red Robin, and Wonder Girl have found themselves in a gigantic hole in the ground in Cambodia searching for Cassie’s lost Silent Armor which she never really wanted anyway. But dammit! That won’t keep her from retrieving it and putting it back on and demanding that nobody call her Wonder Girl! They’ve just discovered the cult of Trigon is somehow tied to the location where Cassie found the armor. And because his name has “Tri” in it, Tim Drake reveals that conspiracy theorists believe Trigon is the reason for all of the God Trinities ever.
And then Diesel shows up with his army of armor to defeat them. And then Cassie gets her hair pulled by one and somebody bloops. I don’t know what the sound effect “BLOOP” means in this context but Superboy yells Cassie’s name like it might be bad news. I think maybe she accidentally ingested some God Armor!
I take it back. I don’t care what the B Team is up to anymore.
No wait! I take back my take back! I want to see more of the C Team, if you know what I mean!
Does Solstice really need to shower? Isn’t she simply a steaming mass of sulfurous smell? Isn’t her body all cracked and smoking and smooth and lickable and voluptuous and nubile? Kurt Lance doesn’t seem to think so because he appears to her in a vision and tells her she’s making bad choices and if she weren’t making bad choices, she would look like a normal girl. I think he’s slut shaming!
Back in Cambodia, I guess the “BLOOP” noise was Cassie teleporting off to some secret inner sanctum with Diesel. He has all the power but she kept the lariat. She uses it to choke the life out of him for love. She gets her armor back and Diesel gets incorporated into her. I think. It’s all kind of boring and uninteresting. I really couldn’t be bothered to make any jokes. Even when they’re serving up meatballs like this:
I can’t wait until the day I find these characters interesting.
The entire team returns to Titans Tower which is actually Lex Towers. Wonder Girl’s boring origin story is finally over. I suppose Solstice’s boring origin story will be next. Or maybe we’ll get to learn about Bart and what year he’s from. Or maybe the team will actually stop a threat to humanity instead of being a threat to humanity.
Oh look! There’s the C Team! I guess Solstice wasn’t wearing the towel for modesty.
Finally, Solstice is visited by Kurt Lance again who says his super power is being able to tweak other people’s meta-gene. But he has to rush off because Black Canary is calling or something. The editor’s note says to see current issues of Birds of Prey but those don’t help at all. I guess the weird feeling Dinah has been having is somehow calling to Kurt. And then Red Robin rushes off to Gotham to fight the Joker. But the issue ends with a doll left in Red Robin’s room which leads everyone to believe Red Robin was kidnapped by the Joker. Even though he told Solstice he was leaving and she watched him go.
Also, Bunker decides to notice some looks passing between Cassie and Tim so that the reader can learn that Cassie might have feelings for Red Robin. Why not? She hates Superboy and she doesn’t trust Red Robin but she has to have a love interest for the fandom, right? And Kid Flash is boinking a sulfur pit. And Bunker seems to have a thing for himself. So everyone else is taken!
Teen Titans #14 Rating: No change. Mostly I was just bored while reading this. I’m pretty sure that comes through in my bland and rushed commentary. I just kept reading more and more without commenting hoping that something would spark my interest. The only thing that did was when Solstice was transformed into a human girl for a few seconds by Kurt Lance! And DC even managed to ruin that moment!
Was having her naked too risque for this comic book’s Teen Rating? It was better to have the colorist fudge up a purple body stocking?