I gotta admit: I thought it was going to be Jesus.
Maybe Atrocitus’s plan isn’t to kill himself. Perhaps he realizes he’s become a great big pouting, insecure asshole and he needs to get his Rage back. And what better way to do that than having a bunch of your underlings begin pounding on you thinking they have the power to defeat you? That would make any CEO
shit their pants explode with rage! And probably surprise. And shock.
Now I’m picturing Atrocitus wearing a silk suit and kicked back in a swivel leather chair in his penthouse office screaming at his secretary. I guess Dex-Starr is his secretary although Dex-Starr seems to have skinned out of the universe in search of a Midnighter that no longer exists.
This issue begins promisingly enough with the title, “The Death of Atrocitus.” This title needs some big changes and I think that would be a perfect place to start. It also begins with Rankorr trying to stop his date from fleeing now that she’s learned he’s a lava-spewing freak. Rankorr is another huge failure for the Red Lantern Corps. Why do these Lantern Corps keep recruiting people that aren’t exemplars of the emotion needed to fuel the rings? When this woman decided to flee from Rankorr, wouldn’t a true Rageoholic have just screamed, “Bitch!” and dissolved her in a meaty wave of lava vomit?
Aha! The Red Lanterns are fueled by self-loathing!
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In this very special issue of Red Lanterns, Atrocitus learns forgiveness.
Is this Wrath of the Fisting Lantern thing still going on? So far, Volthoom hasn’t impressed me with many of his magic mind trips. I liked Kyle Raynor’s experience the best, and they all kind of went downhill from there. You know what I’m ready for? I’m ready for Green Lantern to begin having space adventures where the fate of everything isn’t on the line. I’m sick of every comic book story where the fate of everything is on the line. On the rare occasion they’re written well, it can be interesting. But I tend to find the fate of everything is mostly used by lazy writers that can’t be bothered to deal with characters and their individual motivations. The Flash is currently doing this really well which is surprising since he’s the one usually causing everything to collapse. I’d like to see Green Lantern get a break from these cosmic total catastrophes.
I guess it’s time to see if Atrocitus’s life could have been more interesting depending on how Volthoom decides to manipulate things. Volthoom seems to lack imagination, so Atrocitus will probably experience a less angry life with a less dead family.
Yeah, yeah. Get on with it.
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Apparently the Earth just isn’t threatened enough because these kids have too much free time on their hands.
At this point you just have to ask: “Is Stormwatch really needed?” When was the last time they saved the world from something other than themselves? It may have been when The Engineer ate the Neanderthal Devolver and that was back in Issue Eleven. They may or may not have saved the world from Etrigan since then but that still falls into the category of fighting with themselves. I can’t blame Stormwatch for all of the in-fighting. They’re not the kind of team that stops burglaries or serial killers. They merely have to sit around and wait for an incipient extinction level event. When one of those isn’t incipient, they just bicker out of sheer boredom. Technically I suppose you can blame this battle with the Engineer on the Hidden People (the Neanderthals!) since she is going nuts from having rammed their devolver up her ass. But I bet the devolver is like that lie that hypnotists tell all the time about how you’d never do anything under hypnotism that you wouldn’t do while not hypnotized. Such a lie! What the fuck do you think Nationalism and Propaganda are for?! It’s to hypnotize people to act in ways they wouldn’t normally act otherwise!
By the way, Stormwatch is apparently recruiting. And rebooting.
Isn’t Brother Eye going to be a bit pissed about this? Or is he too busy making plans with Batman to return the Flashpoint Universe back to the old universe. You know Batman has got to be a little bit upset that Detective Comics has been renumbered. And if anybody can return the DC Universe it’s the Goddamned Batman and the not-quite-as-Goddamned Brother Eye. Or Ambush Bug. I’m pretty certain Ambush Bug could get it done. And probably Mr. Mxyzptlk. Maybe Bat-mite although Bat-mite has yet to appear in The New 52. But if he exists in any comic book reality, he also exists in The New 52 being what he is. So, yeah, Bat-mite could fix this shit.
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Krona Unleashed!
Atrocitus has traveled to the original planet of the Guardians of the Universe, Maltus. He’s stumbled upon the ghost of Krona or the holographic projection of Krona or the time trapped brainwaves of Krona or some being doing a Krona Puppet Show. Somehow and someway, Atrocitus is going to speak with Krona and maybe find out some secrets about Volthoom, The First Lantern.
Oh yeah! Duh! Electric echo!
Krona’s electric echo tells Atrocitus why they should be best friends forever or at least until the electrical echo degrades. Why wouldn’t they be friends? They both have so much in common! They both had wives (Krona more than Atrocitus). They both had children! They both had their families wiped out by monsters! Sure, Krona was the monster that wiped out Atrocitus’s family, but come on! Let bygones be bygones! That was a long time ago before Krona had become an electric echo living inside a sphincter television set. Living conditions like that change a guy!
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At this point, Midnighter is simply calculating the best way to die.
Except being Midnighter, he’s apparently figured out a way to survive! He punches Apollo in the nose which breaks it but it also brings Apollo out of the fugue state that the Engineer had zapped him into. Once Apollo fires up, I guess he has the ability to fly out of Hyperspace. Perhaps it’s only difficult to get into hyperspace (unless you’re a Red Lantern and then you can simply tear your way in). Maybe to get out of hyperspace, you just have to aim toward Australia and fall.
See? Australia!
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Some of the other love stories I want to see: Guy Gardner and Ice, Starfire and Dick Grayson, Midnighter and Apollo, Kate Kane and Renee Montoya, Etrigan and Madame Xanadu, Nightwing and a redhead, Bloody Mary and Andrew Bennett, Alan Scott and Sam, Barry Allen and Iris West, Batgirl and her Batbuzzer, Buddy Baker and Ellen Baker, Swamp Thing and Abby Arcane, Deadman and Dove, Arthur and Mera, Jonah Hex and Tallulah Black, Jaime Reyes and Brenda, Paco and Brenda, Brenda and Brenda, and Brenda and anybody else. The one “love” story I don’t give a shit about: The Joker and Harley Quinn.
How dare you, DC?! How dare you ask me to pay $7.99 for a comic book and then have the nerve to tell me that inside are “free” collectible Valentine’s Day Cards! Unless I’m interpreting this whole cover wrong? If the cards are free, does that mean I could have just ripped them out of the book in the comic book store and walked with them? Because they’re certainly not free when you’re charging two full dollars over the price of an annual. I spent so much on this book it’s going to have to double for my breakfast.
The first page lets the reader know what love stories are going to be told and what creative team is telling them. I guess that’s convenient for people not sure if they wanted to spend the money on this book or not. It’s not the smartest idea for DC though because I would have opened the cover, looked at the first story, and put the fucking book right back on the fucking shelf.
What is Ann Nocenti going to tell me that I can’t already find on the Wikipedia page for love?
I didn’t add Batman and Catwoman to the love stories I wanted to see because Judd Winick and Guillem March took care of that back in Catwoman #1. Blew the whole fucking load on that love story. Unless this story has anal in it, what more can they show between those two? In the second story, it looks like Aquaman and Mera discover a new sex position called “The Lighthouse.” And the third story looks like I’m going to get my dream match-up of Batgirl and her Batbuzzer!
I don’t know who Ursa Minor is but I’m sure she’s a redhead. Or a murderer.
I’m glad to see Apollo and Midnighter having their date realized by Peter Milligan and Simon Bisley. I think this is Bisley’s first non-cover work he’s done in The New 52. I wonder how many penises he’s hidden in the artwork?
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This issue was destined to be a Third Army crossover according to early adverts. But now the Manhunters have nowhere to go. Sad face.
The Third Army crossover ended in Green Lantern Corps Annual #1. But it didn’t really end. Unless all of the Third Army had descended on Oa and all of the Third Army were killed when the comic book turned white and just ended without any real resolution, then they must still be a threat to the universe. But the Crossover’s title has now changed to The First Lantern which means Volthoom is the new threat and the Third Army will probably simply hang around being a nuisance instead of nearly ending all life in the universe. It’s kind of typical in comic books for a threat to be overwhelming and unbeatable for a few issues and then the hero gets his second wind, punches the deadly threat in the nose, and the fight is over. So I can accept that the Third Army is defeated. You know. In comic book terms.
But now what is Atrocitus going to do with his Manhunter army? Last issue ended with them attacking him but the cover makes it look like he has them under control and feeding the Red Lantern Battery. So maybe that’s their job now. Shall we see?
Forget everything I wrote previously. I guess this is a Third Army Crossover! Stupid cover not claiming it’s part of The Third Army crossover and showing the wrong artist to boot!
Atrocitus quickly calms down the Manhunters by killing their leader. Their leader is easily recognizable as the Robot-Man that can say more than “No Man Escapes the Manhunters!” If there is another leader in the Manhunter’s midst, he’s smart enough to not say anything incriminating. Like “Hello” or “How are you?” or “No Woman Escapes the Manhunters!” He just stands around looking stupid like the rest of them.
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“Nasty Infections Part Two: Rotten Pot.” Shade the Changing Man #60 by Peter Milligan, Mark Buckingham, and Rick Bryant.
“Life is Short Part Three: Dance to the Music.” Shade the Changing Man #57 by Peter Millgan, Mark Buckingham, and Rick Bryant.
