I actually spent extra cash on this cover because I can’t fucking stand the normal one. Perhaps it’s just that I was sick to death of turning a page in every comic book I was reading and being interrupted by that double page spread Superman Unchained advert. Also, this cover is by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez who did a good chunk of the Superman art in DC Comics Presents which I’ve been reading lately!
First off, I was sick to death of everything being “unleashed” and “unchained” and now I have to see it on the cover of this comic every fucking month. What does it even mean? Why would Superman have to be unchained? Does that just mean he’s less polite than usual? Maybe he’s actually a sarcastic son of a bitch and this comic book will reveal his normal personality when he’s finally thrown off the shackles of polite deportment locked onto him by the Kents! Perhaps I’ll find the answers to all of my questions (and more!) in the pages of the comic book!
The issue begins with possibly the best reinterpretation of the “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Superman!” I’ve yet to read. I know people play with that all the time and it can be cute or smart or interesting. But this one was terrible and horrible and just fucking brilliant. It’s Nagasaki and the bomb is being dropped. Although it’s a bit Watchmenesque on the history of things because the Bomb houses something other than Plutonium.
I don’t know. This guy doesn’t seem that fat.
Why does Superman need a belt?
Last issue, Dr. Veritas was proving how smart she was. Why does DC allow Scott Lobdell to create anything that’s going to become canon? The whole New 52 is going to become tainted by Scott Lobdell’s stupid creations. He actually made Dr. Veritas an OMNIOLOGIST! Seriously, he needed to create somebody that was obviously super smart and could invent anything she needs, so he made her a scientist of everything! And he named her Doctor Truth! Not only that, at one point he mentions that she has even invented things that she doesn’t understand! Oh, fuck you, Scott Lobdell. Explain to me what that means! If you can explain to me how she does that and in what way the invention manifests, I’ll buy you a beer and give you a hand job the next time you’re in Portland. Does she just put some machine together and turn it on and go, “Oh look! It’s making biscuits! I have no idea how it works!” Or does she create a machine which does something that she can’t explain and points at it when people enter the room and go, “I made that.” Meanwhile nobody knows what the fuck the machine is doing.
I know I don’t know Scott Lobdell personally. I’m sure he’s a fantastic guy to have a drink with and talk super heroes with. I met him one time and I didn’t tell him that I spend my free time telling strangers on the internet how much he sucks. But when the funniest thing he’s written all year was when he signed my Big Book of New 52 #1s, I can’t help but look down on him as a writer.
Gail Simone had signed my book first. Then Lobdell signed and added the rest. I admit I showed this to Gail Simone’s husband hoping to start a fist fight.
Scott Lobdell’s name isn’t even on the cover of this comic book and I’m bitching about him! I have a serious psychological problem. I’ve even had two beers and am working on a box of cookies so that I can cope with the back-up story in this comic book.