Legion of Super-heroes #18

The only thing you need to remember about last issue was how Sun Boy was eaten by aliens.

Oh, I guess The Fatal Five were up to no good and caused a massive power outage across the entire universe. That seems to be an issue back on Earth at Legion Headquarters. A huge crowd mob has assembled outside Legion HQ to blame the Legionnaires for the problem. They threaten them. They throw rocks at them. They act really surly! But Harmonia tries to talk them down. Almost hit by a rock? No problem! She remains calm and assures them Legion is on the job. But when a Futurecast Blogger begins asking probing questions about Brainiac’s involvement in this disaster?

The Legion know who the truly dangerous citizens are! They aren’t the ones that resort to violence. They’re the ones that begin asking questions. And questions can only lead to answers! And answers are, well, answers are pretty good, actually. Unless the answers portray you in a bad light! If I were these citizens, I’d be even more suspicious of Legion now than I was before I was trying to kill them!

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Legion of Super-heroes #17

Legion of Super-heroes still has too many characters I’m not interested in and too many relationships I can’t remember. I don’t think anybody interested in Legion of Super-heroes reads my commentaries on them. I also don’t think anybody not interested in Legion reads my commentaries on them! Legion of Super-heroes gets the least likes and the least responses of any other comic book of The New 52.

Why do I bother continuing to read it?! *sigh* Let’s make this quick!

Phantom Girl has crashed on an alien planet and her translator is down, so some aliens show up speaking in a new Alien Font that I need to translate! This may be a tough one since the letters just look like smeared inkblots but I suppose I’m going to now waste more time translating it simply to find the aliens are saying things like, “This is an alien language!” and “Keith Giffen’s mother chews used condoms!”

Judging by the last alien quote bubble that I thought I would begin with, I’m not sure this is anything but the entire alphabet of the font spaced out to look like words. It’s hard to tell for sure since the letters are so crazy, but it looks like the last speech bubble has 27 letters and only one is repeated one time. So it seems to be a representation of the alphabet with one letter repeated. A few other bubbles have 32 letters, again with a single one repeating once. So numbers as well? Or punctuation. Anyway, that was a good five minutes wasted! Back to the story!

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Legion of Super-heroes #5

Three stories in one 20 page comic? Oh joy!

Since the Legion of Super-heroes defeated the Dominator threat last issue, it looks like they’re going to get a day off. So this comic isn’t going to be three different stories. That’s good. I didn’t know how they would pack that all in!

Instead, it’s going to be a different story on every page! I hope they connect them all together somehow! Let’s see what happens….

6:00 AM. Dream Girl and Star Boy have sex. Maybe they’ll conceive and name the baby Dream Star. Or Boy Girl.

7:00 AM. Shrinking Violet and Lightning Lass do not have sex. Come on!

8:00 AM. Cosmic Boy shares my same fantasy that the Legion members in Legion Lost have died.

9:00 AM and Element Lad is already getting preachy.

10:00 AM. Element Lad clears the Headquarters. Again!

11:00 AM. Glorith feels homesick.

12:00 Noon. Invisible Kid and Glorith have lunch together. Unless Glorith was just eating by herself again?

1:00 PM. I realize The Legion uses the international standard notation.

2:00 PM. Glorith’s parents already receive her letter.

3:00 PM. I have no idea what’s going on here.

4:00 PM. Shadow Lass proves that even in the 31st Century, people keep it real.

5:00 PM. Phantom Girl flirts with Ultra Boy while I giggle at her name again. Tiny Wazoo!

6:00 PM. This scene brings up some delicate questions about fucking an intangible girl. Can she become intangible to keep from getting pregnant? And now I’m wondering what happens when she eats? Does the food drop out of her stomach if she turns intangible before she finishes digesting it? If not, what can turn intangible when she does? Things that are inside her? So would Ultra Boy’s penis go intangible if she changed while fucking? If she got a tapeworm, could she lose it by turning intangible? Or is it now somehow a part of her? If she could lose it, could she do this with viruses as well?

7:00 PM. Mon El and Dream Girl research the dream she had about big hard cocks. I mean rocks.

9:00 PM. Saturn Girl and Lightning Lad are married with children but still referred to as Girl and Lad.

10:00 PM. I’m fooled by Duplicate Damsel’s symbol into thinking there may be a Lesbian Lass.

Midnight. This should be DC’s next big crisis event.

1:00 AM. Polar Boy fails his mission. Next mission: Find a new uniform.

2:00 AM. Brainiac 5 mentions Time Travel and almost ruins the best issue yet.

5:00 AM. A crowd of meta-humans (non-Legion, I’m guessing, since there was no identi-box) gathers about the BIG ROCKS of Stonehenge on the winter solstice.

Look at that! I actually enjoyed a Legion of Super-heroes comic! There are so many characters in this silly comic that this form of story telling makes sense. And maybe I’ve learned a tiny bit about their relationships and dramas. But what I didn’t learn was who all of those people were at the end of the comic standing around Stonehenge. I imagine they’re some kind of bad guy Legion or something since people were a bit worried about Dream Girl’s big rock dream and she just kept shrugging it off as nothing. I guess I’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure people familiar with the Legion of Super-heroes probably recognized the guy in that last panel. Or some of them, maybe.

Legion of Super-heroes may go up one rank.