Justice League Dark #12

Is Dr. Mist on their side again? He’s so temperamental.

Faust escaped with the map to the Books of Magic last issue. But Constantine got a look at the map before it happened. I expect the next few issues to be like those episodes of G.I. Joe when the Joes and Cobra were all running around trying to beat each other to the pieces of the deadly weather machine. Those were some exciting after school television watching sessions!

The first page of this issue goes over Dr. Mist’s New 52 origin. His centuries old rivalry with Felix Faust is a thing of the past. Instead, he was merely a doctor in a war torn African country. When his wife was killed in the conflict, he turned to magic to try to bring her back. But nothing would work. And then Felix Faust approached him and told him of the Books of Magic. With Mist’s reputation, he was able to infiltrate ARGUS and steal the key to open the tesseract to find the log which housed the frog who ate the Books of Magic at the bottom of some unknown interdimensional planescape.

Of course he had to betray the good guys and side with a right evil bastard to do this. Which seems like a bad decision since he’s more than likely not going to get a chance at the Books if he’s traveling with Faust. If he’s just stuck with the others once they got the Tesseract, I’m sure John would have helped him out with his wife.

John noticed the Books were in Slaughter Swamp just outside of Gotham City. That’s where Jonah Hex, Amadeus Arkham, and Tallulah Black were held captive by the Crime Bible Cult! It’s also where Dr. Thirteen’s Haunted Highwayman was living. But Zatanna tracks Faust and Mist’s portal to find that they headed back to Peru. So Justice League Dark is going to split up! Basically that means one of them is going to get a chainsaw in the midsection, especially if two people in one of the groups ends up fucking in a sleeping bag. And that could happen to either team since Black Orchid heads off with John Constantine while Deadman heads off with Zatanna. I guess Deadman can’t fuck anybody, sleeping bag or not. But Black Orchid hates Constantine so much that the chemistry is electric!

Meanwhile, Xanadu learns from Timothy Hunter how he gave up his magic.

Depending on who ends up with this magic, it could be really interesting or hardly worth mentioning. I hope Cheeks the Toy Wonder got the magic!

Waiting for Faust and Mist is a man working with them to recover the Books. He smokes like Constantine and has a dragon tattoo like Constantine. But he remains in the shadows and I have no clue who he might be. Unless he’s somehow Constantine!

I remember in Hellblazer way back when, Constantine had sort of a sidekick. Really just a friend who did stuff with him and got into trouble. I don’t remember his name or what happened to him (probably killed!) but what if he got Tim’s magic and this is him? A new rival for John?

The mystery man sends Faust to deal with Xanadu in London while he waits with Mist for Zatanna and Deadman to arrive. Dr. Mist also informs the mystery man that Constantine controls the House of Mystery which brings up an interesting question. When they visited the House, Constantine said that he could return any of them to the House now that he brought them to it. Can he now call back Dr. Mist? What about Abnegezer, Rath, and Ghast?

Black Orchid and Constantine are currently traveling to Slaughter Swamp in the House of Mystery.

I knew Orchid was magical in nature. But I thought they were changing that up for The New 52. I guess not!

Black Orchid wonders why John doesn’t try to get back together with Zatanna since they have a history. And John explains that probably won’t be happening seeing as how the death of her father, Zatarra, was his fault. Plus he lies about everything. And he’s always involved with demons. And the apocalypse follows him around like a lost puppy.

Black Orchid and John arrive in Slaughter Swamp and begin to explore. It isn’t long before they don’t find what they’re looking for. Instead, they find this guy:

And in Peru, Zatanna and Deadman meet up with the foresty version of this guy, Blackbriar Thorn!

Meanwhile, the mystery man is checking into some real estate. He’s got an eye on the House of Secrets. Dr. Occult seems to be the current owner of the House of Secrets. So the mystery man negotiates a deal to secure the house from him.

Dr. Occult should have waited for a better offer.

Justice League Dark #12 Rating: +1 Ranking. Since Issue #13 won’t be out until October, I would have liked for the mystery man to be revealed at the end of this one. I think it would have given more tension for the fans to see who the enemy was and then have to wait two months for any kind of resolution. Now the fans have to wait two months while they forget what was going on and then the reveal will happen and they’ll scratch their heads and have to dig out this issue from the box to figure out why it was such a surprise. Anyway, I’m glad to see the House of Secrets! I hope the Houses fight!

Oh yeah. And someone didn’t give the cover artist the notes that Dr. Mist betrayed the group and is no longer fighting for them. Plus, the whole living jungle thing didn’t really happen. It sort of got a prologue and a hint that it was about to happen. But nothing so far.

Demon Knights #11

I would replaces “heroes” with “narcissistic, self-aggrandizing pariahs.”

What was the Companions’ quest again? They needed to find Camelot so they could find Avalon so they could find Merlin’s soul so they could convince Merlin to re-enter his body so that Merlin could help defend the town run by the lesbian princesses from Morgan le Fey and Mordru. Unless the Queen is somebody other than Morgan le Fey.

I think that sums up the book so far. Some other stuff is going on as well. Like The Shining Knight and Morgan le Fey are hunting for the Grail which Merlin threw into a volcano some time ago. And Merlin has or is going to form Stormwatch to protect everyone from Neanderthals and Daemonites.

The first part of the main Quest has been successful: the party has found Camelot. But they’ve all been transformed from social monsters into actual monsters. Only Madame Xanadu remains unaffected.

Or does she? The others have all become their “true essential selves” which mostly means they’ve all gotten better at being selfish assholes. All of them except Exoristos love what they’ve become. Perhaps Madame Xanadu has the greatest self-esteem of them all and believes she has already become all-powerful. Or maybe because she’s related to this whole Camelot thing, she’s simply immune.

Or maybe what she received isn’t readily apparent. Like now she’s multi-orgasmic.

The whole “companions turned into monsters” thing lasts for just a few pages before Zombie King Arthur leads them into a cave with a purifying pool of water. The question is now do I want to spend time trying to figure out why Cornell added that bit of the story or do I just plow on ahead and try to catch up on my comic book reading as quickly as possible? Maybe I can do both and instead of really delving into what happened, I’ll just spend a paragraph asking a bunch of questions that I won’t bother to try to answer!

Why wasn’t Madame Xanadu affected by the Dark Magic around Camelot? What’s so special about her? Besides her breasts? Um, and her brain too! Her great, big, beautiful, tight, manipulative brain! What does it reveal about The Shining Knight? Is her flaw arrogance? Does he think she’s so pure and special that he can accomplish anything she wants? Why was Exoristos a hulking heap of self-loathing when the dark magic gave them everything they wanted? Does she want to be hated and despised?

Etrigan has become an all-powerful demon king and Al Jabr transformed into a giant head capable of the most complex thoughts. Savage seems to simply have had a testosterone boost and the horsewoman became a centaur. None of them, even Exoristos it seems, were going to touch the magical water and transform back into their lesser selves. Zombie King Arthur seems to understand this since the cave he leads them in is a trap which causes the waters of the fountain to rain down upon everyone inside. They’re all cured!

And Etrigan is pissed.

Even Zombie King Arthur has been restored. I’m sure after somebody breaks up the fight between him and Etrigan, Arthur will explain what’s going on.

As I sit in my office reading Demon Knights, an occasional sprinkle of tiny white spiders waft down around me. I don’t know where they’ve hatched from but I keep blowing them away to wherever fate will take them. Probably to be eaten by one of their brethren. It’s just hard to concentrate since my brain tells me every slight itch on my body is a baby spider crawling across me. Not that I mind. But the slightest itching is magnified now, especially on my scalp. I see one now, walking across the slanted ceiling. He’s just a small dark shadow, a piece of lint to the unknowing eye. I wonder, as I drink my iced tea, how many have drowned within the urine-colored liquid and how many calories each one must be? I don’t normally eat meat and I don’t kill spiders but accidental ingestion of spider babies doesn’t faze me. My stomach is growling at the thought. “Shut up, weirdo,” I tell my stomach as I get back to the comic book.

Arthur states that the magic water will only allow them to resist the dark magic of the strange tower on Camelot for a limited time. He also describes his time in Avalon as he tells of his return from death.

Shadowy councils? Is Avalon where Stormwatch’s Shadow Cabinet resides?

Arthur’s story of residing in Avalon and returning to Britain encourages Xanadu. They can find Avalon! And they can get back with Arthur’s help! The only hitch will be convincing Merlin to return with them! And I have a feeling that won’t be much of a hitch at all. I think Merlin “died” on purpose so that he could speak with the Shadowy Council in Avalon, knowing all along that [baby spider on me!] Xanadu and Etrigan would be forced to come rescue him. Merlin is the type of character that gets to create gigantic, involved plots that actually work. I can believe when Lex Luthor pulls that crap off as well. But the future evil Red Robin, Harvest? No. I don’t buy it.

Arthur tells the others that the way to Avalon is blocked by the Dark Tower. He has not been able to breach it but when he discovers that the Demon Knights are questing to help Merlin, he joins up with them to give it another shot. And this time they can fly to the tower because they have a demon, a pegasus, and a magic fairy woman in Xanadu. Hmm, that sounds sexy. I mean Xanadu IS the magic fairy woman.

But the way is guarded by a giant Geodude!

Xanadu chooses you, Squirtle!

The earth creature is easily defeated and the Companions make their way into the tower as they’re being watched by the person behind the tower and the dark magic.

Morgaine has some disgusting Pokemon. “I choose you, Nurgle!”

I guess Mordru’s Queen is somebody else. Perhaps she’s simply the evil queen of all fairy tales. Or maybe there was a Queen in the Arthur tales who was after the Grail. Maybe Mordru is simply the most important part of that duo! At least I can stop thinking she’s Morgan (sorry! MORGAINE in the DCnU) le Fey.

Demon Knights #11 Rating: No change. I wonder if Morgaine le Fey is part of Stormwatch’s Shadow Cabinet. Or maybe she’s just one of the threats that Stormwatch needs to contain. And maybe, since Cornell isn’t writing Stormwatch anymore, the whole link between this comic and Stormwatch won’t be explored any further! Except in my fan fiction.

Justice League Dark #8

This cover put the phrase “Vampire Orgy” into my head. And there’s only one thing to do when a phrase that good pops into your mind! Google Image Search!

Forget about the plot for a second. Here are some of the fantastic images “Vampire Orgy” generated!

Is it just me or is “an Outdoor BJ” just not in the same category as “Ass Eating”, “Anal”, and “Cum Swallowing”?

The next image link I followed was a picture of a Dungeon Crawl game and I was curious as to why it showed up with “Vampire Orgy” as a search term. It was a forum where a guy was doing a Let’s Play of Dungeon Crawl and he was about to enter The Lair. One of the Vampire Orgy looking movies (or was it a show?) was called The Lair and had a bunch of muscled shirtless male vampires on the poster. Anyway, I spent the next hour reading his Let’s Play until he abandoned his game. And then I read the next guy’s Let’s Play for the next hour.

Why is the internet made up of distractions?!

So back to Justice League Dark! At the end of Rise of the Vampires Part Two which was also called I, Vampire #7, Cain had drained the magic from Zatanna and the Madness from Shade. He used it to remove all of the weaknesses from his vampire army. Mary, Queen of Blood, had joined the good guys. Xanadu was still on Astral Vacation. And Constantine and Deadman were traveling to the Other Side to fetch Andrew Bennett.

Deadman needs a sense of humor.

Does Boston Brand feel embarrassed about his clothing and white make-up when he meets up with other ghosts? Are all ghosts in the DCU forced to wear what they were wearing when they died? I’ll have to try to remember this query when I read the next Hawkman story with the Gentleman Ghost. Andrew Bennett is shirtless with just jeans. But he was wearing a sweatshirt when he was killed? Perhaps the way his vampire body dissolved into mist, it destroyed the shirt before he fully incorporealized. That’s the technical term for becoming a ghost, right?

While I was musing, Constantine and Deadman found Andrew Bennett. He wasn’t on an island since the island wasn’t purgatory (bullshit) and Bennett is actually in purgatory. Speaking of the island from the television show LOST, I’ve got a question! Did they ever explain the “box” or the “room” which brought Locke’s dad to the island after Locke’s father was killed in a car crash? Sure sounds like a feature of Purgatory to me, you stupid lousy lying producers.

Anyway, Bennet decides he’s had enough of living and doesn’t want to go back. He doesn’t care what Cain and Mary do to the world. And why should he? He’s dead now! He’s got different concerns! Constantine calls him selfish but I’ve got to side with Andrew Bennett on this one. He had his life. And like Death of the Endless says, “You get what everybody gets. A life.” How come Bennett has the choice to come back? Seems pretty suspect. I’d like it better if he never actually died and somehow survived getting his head cut off.

Xanadu makes a deal with the Crystal Being to shift the balance of power away from Cain and over to somebody else. I thought maybe it was going to go to her since her companions were going to be very angry with her if it worked. But she wakes up and seems much too weak to wield everyone’s power. Perhaps it’s supposed to go to Andrew Bennett since he’s supposed to be the big Good Vampire Hero the way Seely Booth Angel was a champion sniper vampire in his show.

Cain feels something change. And Shade the Changing Man breaks from reality completely.

I think those three or four images are supposed to represent the whole of his life flashing before his eyes. The death of Troy Grenzer in the electric chair which is where Shade first came into our dimension, inhabiting the body of the serial killer. His short love affair with Kathy. Kathy disintegrating when Shade realized she was just an illusion created by the M-Vest. And the Enchantress.

Shade ends up transporting himself to the Area of Madness. With this being Milligan’s last issue of Justice League Dark, I wonder if he’s going to pull Shade from the group? Perhaps save him for some future stories. Jeff Lemire is coming in to helm this comic next month and I’m sure he’ll have some of his own favorite characters he’ll bring to the group.

The next page just about does it in for me. Kathy is there, in the Area of Madness, waiting for him. She’s solid and real and everything. Everything. Know this: Peter Milligan’s Shade the Changing Man was one of the greatest comic experiences I’ve had. It was the character I needed to be reading at that time of my life. It was a story I needed to read. And it’s obvious it meant a lot to Milligan to tell it.

Shade senses the change in Writers, something beyond their understanding. And Milligan is pulling him from the team to save his story for himself.

Well, I wanted to read more stories with Constantine and Shade written by Peter Milligan. So it’s probably time to pull those Hellblazer trades written by Milligan off the shelf and give them a read. I hear Shade makes an appearance! But for now, Shade is out of the group and I should probably be getting back to Gotham to see who gets all the power.

Zatanna, Xanadu, and Mary decide if this is the end, they might as well go out fighting. They attack Cain and are repelled in just about one panel. Maybe two. So Zatanna’s “I don’t want to wait for death to come, whenever that monster chooses to kills us. I’m going to face it,” quickly becomes, “TEG SU TUO FO EREH!” Great conviction, Zatanna! And what the hell happened with Xanadu’s power shift Astral project crap? Anything yet?

Failures! Or, in internetese, LOOSERS! Fuck me! I can’t let that stand! Hey, Internet! It’s LOSERS! Just one fucking ‘O’, got it?!

Deadman and Constantine come back from the afterlife without a hitch. Probably because Hades is busy trying to fuck Wonder Woman. Hey! Maybe that’s why Andrew Bennett hasn’t actually ‘died’ yet! Because Hades and all of his minions are busy with the wedding plans and getting Hades’ Amazonian bride prepared!

And possibly because Hades was busy, and possibly because Xanadu got the Crystal Blue Guy to transfer some power from Cain to Andrew (?), and possibly because John and Boston pleaded with Bennett to rethink the staying dead bit, and possibly because, as Hippie John mentioned before, a vampire as old as Andrew Bennett cannot die unless he allows himself to die, Andrew Bennett is able to rematerialize to defeat Cain in I, Vampire #8.

I guess Mindwarp and his Seizure Soul weren’t exactly crucial to this team after all.

Justice League Dark #8 Rating: +1 Rating. Totally biased rating because I loved the four pages centering around Shade. Anyway, that puts it just ahead of Frankenstein which is written by Jeff Lemire who is going to be taking over the writing duties of this comic anyhow.

I am a little bit concerned about the frequency with which DC is changing writers on all of these titles. Writers aren’t really known for coming on to a project and trying to keep the story, plots and themes centered around the past writer’s efforts. Every time a writer has changed in a series so far, it’s been a complete restructuring of the book. Green Arrow: J.T. Krul turns Ollie into a total asshat with no whimsy or sense of humor and then Giffen comes along and makes it a much better read and yet a third writer comes along and keeps the quality up. Legion Lost: plot abandoned and character motivations changed immediately. Voodoo: huge twist, change of motivations, killed all recurring characters from previous story arc. Stormwatch: Well, that just went from the main story by Cornell to a two-part side story and is going to switch up again when Milligan comes on. Maybe Shade will join Stormwatch!

I’m just asking for a bit more consistency than shuffling writers two or three times a year.

Justice League Dark #7

Has Zatanna’s costume always been lingerie? Didn’t she used to wear a top hat?

Justice League Dark has finally become a proper team. Well, as proper as they’re ever going to get. At the beginning of this issue, John Constantine is already trying to walk out because they’re going to fight a few vampires. They’re going to fight some vampires because Madame Xanadu had a vision of the ending of I, Vampire Issue Six and now she thinks the world needs their help to stop the daddy of all vampires, Edward Cain!

Nearly all issues of all comics ever are still on sale somewhere! But forget that. Look how cute Zatanna is here! *swoon*

Shade and his M-Vest transport everyone to Gotham City. They’re all lucky they didn’t end up on Meta. Or Apokolips! I wonder if Shade’s time with the Suicide Squad is still part of the DCU’s history? Gotham, at the moment, is being overrun by vampires. Hasn’t this happened before?

One more time: Why the hell does anybody live in Gotham?!

Since all of Batgirl’s villains seem to be metaphors about her life, what do the vampires represent? Painful menstruation? Anemia from an iron poor diet?

Deadman and Constantine keep Batgirl from being bitten. She recognizes them as ‘Zatanna’s team’ and Constantine seems a bit miffed by that. SRSLY! I thought it was Madame Xanadu’s team!

Is there anything Batman doesn’t know about? They just fucking agreed to form and he’s gossiping about them to the Bat-Family.

The last few vampires have to be taken out with Constantine’s axe since Shade can’t seem to control his Vest and the others seem to be losing their magical ability. Once they’re dead, Batgirl takes her leave since Batman ‘ordered’ her across town. Maybe the Night of the Owls is starting right after the Twilight of the Vampires is dealt with.

Meanwhile, Batman, Hippie John, and Tig get one panel to themselves. John blames Tig for what’s happening since, apparently, Andrew Bennett was the only thing keeping evil at bay! Hopefully that will be explained in the next I, Vampire when we see that Bennett is somehow still alive.

Shouldn’t you have seen this coming in time? Maybe you should summon Etrigan!

The first half of Xanadu’s plan is for Deadman and Constantine to travel to the afterlife and retrieve Andrew Bennett. Oh yeah, that’s a great plan. The second half of her plan is to take an astral vacation. While she’s gone, Shade manages to teleport himself, Zatanna, and Madame Xanadu’s husk on to the rooftop where Batman, John, and Tig are fighting vampires. That wasn’t part of the plan but it’s probably been the most successful move yet. Any move that gets you closer to Batman is a good one.

Xanadu’s Astral Vacation Destination: The Astral Zone of the Crystal One.

I have no clue who this crystal guy is. Or how he’s going to help Xanadu which will make her Dark team hate her. Maybe he’s going to link their spirits so that they must continually associate with each other across the rest of their journey along the paths of reincarnation. It’s Peter Milligan so it’ll probably be something like that.

Justice League Dark #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. These characters and this comic deserve to be ahead of Frankenstein, Agent of Shade. But I’m not sure this comic can rise much further up the ranks until it really sets out on its own. That means getting past this crossover with Andrew Bennett. I can’t wait until Milligan really begins to cut loose with this crew.

Justice League Dark #6

Xanadu brought them together. Destiny had no hand in it!

Last issue completed the June Moone story arc. Xanadu separated June from The Enchantress so that The Enchantress would wind up destroying the world if the Magic Justice League didn’t form. Well, Deadman, Zatanna, Constantine, Shade, and the Seizure Guy came together and solved the problem. But they decided not to stay together and it made Xanadu cry. I’m guessing some other disaster will bring them together again until it sticks. Maybe that disaster will begin this issue!

Constantine has set the city of London ablaze because of some scam he was trying to pull with a bunch of bankers. He tried to summon a demon that would make them rich like that episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the kid from Home Improvement who was going to sacrifice Cassandra, the girl who knew she was going to die, to summon a demon that would make them rich! But Constantine didn’t have a Buffy around to kill the demons and now London is burning.

Deadman and Zatanna are hanging around not helping. They seem to be their for “I Told You So”s and lectures.

Well, excuse the bloody fuck out of John! Ew. Bloody fuck.

During whatever this chaos is that Constantine created, Zatanna has cast a backwards spell that is stuck in some kind of infinite loop and creating skinless zombie things that have been chasing her in-between her lecturing Constantine. They finally catch up with her and shove a whole bunch of fingers into her mouth so that she can’t say any spells. They might stick her fingers in her other orifices as well. Why not? You can never be too safe! I’m pretty sure I once knew a witch that could cast spells with her vagina. At the very least, she could hypnotize with it.

Shade is off somewhere trying to recreate Kathy George with his M-Vest and his memory. At some point, I’m going to reread Shade the Changing Man so I can remember what happened to Kathy. It’s possible she was dead throughout the entire run of Shade the Changing Man, killed by Troy Grenzer (Was that his name? I can’t believe I remember his name if that’s his name!) at the very beginning and only kept alive by Shade’s M-Vest. It’s been a long time since I reread that series. Long overdue. Oh, and how is Shade’s recreation of Kathy going?

Yeah. Not so well.

It turns out these are just the nightmares of the Magic Justice League members. Constantine losing control. Zatanna being chased by something she set loose long ago. Shade’s loneliness and desperate need. And Deadman has been having hallucinations that he’s killed Dove. He believes the problem with his mind stems from his trying to possess the dangerous mind of John Constantine. The four of them end up running into each other at Madame Xanadu’s place in search of some help. Sounds like a certain fortune teller might be causing these nightmares to drive the mages back to her side.

I wonder how she knows so much? Oh yeah! She’s a manipulative barn owl! And by barn owl, I mean cunt. But I didn’t want to sound misogynistic.

The monster woman that was supposed to be Kathy George that was also supposed to be a dream attacks them at that moment. See? You can see her root-like hairs in the lower right of the scanned panel. She’s angry and sad that Shade has left her without giving her a proper name. And Shade doesn’t know how to fight back because this creature still represents the woman he loves. Zatanna’s backwards magic fails so Deadman takes control of Shade and attacks it. The creature, unable to destroy the M-vest which created it, destroys itself instead. And Xanadu’s apartment.

After the battle, Xanadu continues her explanation.

Seriously, guys? You’re going to listen to a woman that was fucking Etrigan?

Zatanna has worked with the Justice League before, so she’s used to being a part of a team. And Deadman is kind of forced to work with other people all of the time. Madame Xanadu is working with another team right now in Demon Knights although that’s about 1000 years in the past. I guess if you count Kathy, Lenny, Pandora, and, um, Pygmalion? (Forgive me if I, once again, have gotten these Shade the Changing Man characters names all wrong) as teammates, then Shade has also worked with a team. Constantine does whatever he feels he has to do, so I figure he’d at least be curious enough to see where all of this goes. The only problem is each one of them is used to being the only magic-user of the group. At least they all attack problems in various ways, so the group is actually quite diverse (like the Challengers of the Unknown! Ha ha!). I’ll buy the premise that they’ll all decide to form a group simply because I want to read this comic where they work as a team!

After this informative little meeting, Xanadu collapses with a vision.

House of Secrets Cain?! He’s a vampire! Yeah, yeah. I bet he’s not the House of Secrets Cain but I bet they try to make him the Biblical Cain anyway which would make him the House of Secrets Cain! And I guess I need to switch over to read I, Vampire now!

Justice League Dark #6 Rating: No change. This story was mostly an epilogue to the last five issues. Getting this team together was never going to have an easily believed reason but Milligan has done a good job of at least making them drag their feet while agreeing to the team. And I want to read a comic book with Shade and Constantine together, so I’ll swallow any reason to get them together! Even if that reason were made of semen and the tears of kittens! Which it may have been.

Demon Knights #5

Surprise! Etrigan is evil!

First let me say, duh. The Questing Queen is probably Morgan le Fay. Right? Probably. Okay, now back to the action to find out why The Horsewoman put an arrow through Exoristos.

It appears that Horsewoman put an arrow in Exoristos gut to teach her a lesson. Remind me never to take an Adult Education Course from her! She claims she pierced no vitals and Exoristos is tough so, you know, walk it the fuck off, you cry baby. And then when Jason Blood tries to help her, al Jabr gives him a left hook! This team is nuts. I guess that’s because they’re hardly a team. And I guess they aren’t fighting any more than Justice League International would fight.

This is what happens to Blood when he transforms into Etrigan.

Mordru and the Queen use their scrying glass to enter the village as incorporeal beings. Their plan is to offer each of the seven companions a deal to turn on the others. In that way, they can let the companions turn on themselves and Mordru and the Queen can more easily get past the village.

Mordru. You should have let your Queen, a woman, deal with the Amazon!

The Queen notices the Shining Knight and flips out. She recognizes the Shining Knight as Merlin’s tool to retrieve the Grail. The Queen feels as if she must personally defeat the Knight to prove that she, the Queen, is worthy of the Grail and ruling New Camelot.

The Queen takes the form of Merlin to try to convince Jason Blood not to turn into Etrigan. Too bad she didn’t realize how badly Merlin pissed Jason off by putting Etrigan inside him! Jason instantly transforms into Etrigan and attacks the Queen’s incorporeal form.

Etrigan recognizes that it isn’t Merlin and the Queen resumes her normal look. She then offers to let Etrigan go and that pisses him off as well!

This Queen needs a refresher on negotiating.

The only one of the companions who seems tempted is Vandal Savage. He slips out of the village, killing a young boy who catches him and tries to raise the alarm. In the morning, the companions gather to defend the village and notice Savage is missing.

Savage has met outside the walls with the Queen. He takes his liberty with her and then orders the troops to release the Wallbreaker! That’s an 8 Mana Green Creature with Trample that destroys creatures with Defend that try to block it! It’s also when this issue ends!

My guess would be that Savage wasn’t actually switching sides but he did kill a small boy in order to do so. So, he’s probably a big jerk. Just like Etrigan is a big jerk. And the Horsewoman is a big jerk. And Exoristos is a big jerk. Sheesh. This version of Stormwatch is just like all of the others! Filled with a bunch of arrogant, self-serving assholes!